Diary of a Sociopath

Chapter 2- Allies in the Dark

Ava. A beautiful name that fit her so perfectly. I couldn't even imagine what her name might be, but I am glad as it would have left all assumptions behind. The rest of the conversation for the first part of dinner was a blur. I could only think of her name with mine. Ava and Lincoln. Sounded almost like an expensive brand of some kind. I felt helpless to her, as if she could give me a list of those she loathed and I would ease the pain in her life. But thinking upon doing so, I was snapped back into reality by her staring at me.

"I'm sorry?"

"Tell me about you...I've been talking about myself for the past hour..."

"There's not much to know..."

"Don't tell me...you're one of the stoic types that have lost someone or been through literal hell..."

"I guess...I mean...I've been on my own since I was thirteen-" She choked on her drink before then dabbing her chin at the drips of wine trying to escape down her skin. My eyes locked on the liquid as for a split second I envied the liquid as I wanted it to be my fingers. Again, my attention was brought back.

"That's so awful!"

"Not really...more of a blessing...."

"You don't have to tell me...I can't imagine what it would be...but I am here...I mean it's the least I can do for you saving me life..."

"Can I ask something personal?"

She nodded before taking the now empty plates into the sink.

"Did you know them? The men who...-"

"Yes. They come into the floral shop all the time. They like causing chaos...I am just so thankful you were there...I mean..." She suddenly turned and glared to me. "How were you there? Forgive me for assuming, but nobody goes down that road at that time of night..."

I began to freeze. I could not very well confess on stalking her for the past four months. My mouth began to move before I could stop it.

"I like going for drives at that time. It relaxes me...."

"Oh. I'm sorry...this world is a crazy cruel one...I'm sorry for blindsiding you with Matthew and Ray and all of this...me being a mess..."

"You aren't-really...You inspire me, Ava."

"Why? You hardly know me..."

"Very true...but what I do know is that you make we want to be...something I'm not..."

"Are you a thief or something?"

"No, why?"

"Guys like you don't exist. They don't save girls in distress, they run away...but you...you saved me, Lincoln...why did you?"

"Because I can see, just by looking at you, that all you want is to be understood...to be loved and wanted..and appreciated. And you've never had that and you deserve that." Tears filled her eyes as she smiled wide to me.

"Thank you. Sometimes I feel so alone and...and to have someone who sees that in me..."

"You shouldn't listen to Ray. I know you can't avoid him because he's the father...but you don't have to let him effect you. My father was very condescending and cruel even....I...I understand what it's like to be stuck..."

With those words, we moved to the living room and the couch were she apologized for the mess and reminded me of the little time she had to clean, and I again aided her embarrassment by lying and saying how my apartment was much worse. Truth was, I was as clean of a freak as possible. But I just wanted to make her smile, to know she was comfortable. It was all I wanted.

For the remainder of the night, I found out she grew up around Maine and moved to Rhode Island when her parents got divorced when she was eight. Ever since then, she was between boarding school and camps before going to college for nursing. Matthew then came along and she had to support him and still wants to finish her credits but finds little time for it. The thought made me sad as I could see she didn't resent Matthew-not even Ray, but she did thirst for a life completely her own.

I told her how my parents were alcoholics who kicked me out when I returned late home one night. My dad beat me until I couldn't move and forced me to sleep outside. I had never told anyone the truth before and to see it bring such sadness to her, made me regret it. Often as I discussed my past, she would reach to me and show the genuine desire to be not only supportive but sorry for their actions against me.

As the night came to a close, I could see how she was growing tired by her attempt to hide her yawning, but rose to excuse myself as she smirked.

"Thank you...for everything...It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels certain ways." She said while holding out her arms for a hug. In my entire life, I have only reciprocated three hugs-all which were to her.

"Me too. I mean...It's nice to not have to pretend to know everything." As I moved to the door, a question ached inside of me, and before I could cease it, it exited my trembling lips. "Why did you invite me?"

"Did you wish I wouldn't of? Did I embarrass you? Is this too much?"

"No!" I threw my hands out in front of me. "I'm just surprised. I mean...you said it yourself, this world is crazy and cruel even...and to invite someone you don't know to dinner...alone in your house..."

"I figured if you wanted to hurt me...then you wouldn't have saved me..."

I smiled, enjoying the fact I didn't scare her. Most dates I had been on ended with the woman telling me how I was boring and scary. How my eyes made her feel intimidated and not in a good way. Which is the majority of the reason I don't date.

"Can we do this again?" I asked. Again, without being able to stop it.

"Sure. Here..." She turned to me for a moment before moving towards her fridge and pulling a piece of paper from the top. Tearing a section from the top, she began scribbling something on it before handing it to me.

AVA 555-2453

"Call me when you get some time...We'll try to talk more.."

"Actually...I meant a date." I could punch myself at this point. I wanted to choke myself out by the fact I made myself look not only desperate-but I put her in danger. And on the spot.

"Oh...I thought I had scared you off already..."

"It's a lot to do that."

"Good to know." She smiled before leaning against the door.

"There's this work party for Halloween on Friday night. Ray has Matthew and I have to actually work it...but...I just sit behind the counter all night so...It would be nice to have company."

"Sounds perfect. When does it start?"

"Six...but you don't want to get there until about nine. All the customers are usually home by then."

I nodded before going to leave before she pulled me into another hug. Without another word, I was surprised at the intimate glances we gave one another as I didn't want anything but to keep her safe...but something else began to rise in me. The desire to own her. To know she was mine. If my choice, I would rid all in her life, aside from Matthew, just to protect her. To know she could never be harmed again.

She wished me a good night as I returned it before driving home in my car and finally feeling something. Not pain or lust for release...but a genuine connection. Never had I wanted Halloween to arrive so badly...