The truth shouldn't hurt

Missing You

Jack

It's winter break now and I haven't seen or heard of Mark. I find myself searching for his red hair, it was vital for me to search for it. I heard he switched out of art to join band. I told my friends that me and Mark were taking a break since things got so serious in just one week. I told my Ma that Mark has been spending more time with his friends and family, so he couldn't come over anymore. I wished we were just taking a break, I wish he was just busy, I wish we never broke up.
I didn't mean anything I said, I just got really frustrated and I was still on edge from what happened with the girl. I did care what happened to him, I needed him to know that. I grabbed my phone and mustered enough confidence to finally text him.

Jackaboy : hey, markimoo
Jackaboy : it's been a while
Jackaboy : as you can see I'm a bit of a double texter, maybe even infinite, lol
Jackaboy : any way, I need you to know I do still care and love you
Jackaboy : I didn't mean anything
Jackaboy : I needed you to know I loved you before I told you that
Jackaboy : I kissed a girl at the party, I wasn't drunk, I was thinking of you when out lips met, and I knew it would hurt you
Jackaboy : ...
Jackaboy : I miss you

I hadn't realized that tears were streaming down my face as I sent the last message. I don't deserve to be happy anymore. I hurt the sweetest and cutest boy's feelings. My phone buzzed and I quickly ran over to it, I had received a message!

Markimoo : I don't need you anymore...

I let all my ugly sobs out, my Ma ran into my room. "Seany, are ye okay?" She sounded so worried, I've never cried like this before.
"No! Mark broke up with me months ago, and I tried to get him back and he rejected me! Now if ye don't mind I'd like to be alone!" She nodded and left.
I got up and locked my bedroom door, then I locked myself into the bathroom. I found some razor blades, I never really understood why I had them, but there is a reason for everything.
I looked down at my pale wrist. 'Horizontal for attention and vertical for results.' I don't remember the source of this knowledge but it'll atleast help take the pain away. I made tally marks up and down both my arms. It almost looked beautiful, it hurt at first but by the end it felt amazing.

I laid down in the tub, I was only wearing a tank top and some shorts. The cool tub nipped at my skin, the blood warmed me right back up. These sensations felt so new yet so comforting. Is this how Mark felt when he snapped. Heck, am I snapping right now. Rocks don't snap, I must be a twig. So easily tossed over the shoulder and never thought of again. Maybe I need a rock now, I was weak like Mark. Had he found somebody else, another rock, someone who actually treated him better.

I fell asleep, the sweet smell of bloody rust intoxicating me, the cold comforting me. I dreamt of Mark.

I missed him...

A/N : totally forgot what today was, I've been but with hw and now I may need to rewrite the next chapter because, wow, do I need a log of bleach. I am so ashamed of myself for writing some thing so wrong but, eh what can you do. Anyway, hope you enjoyed!