I Tried To Give You Up, But I'm Too Addicted.

• sometimes that lump of his is a gun •

TW: bad shit (consensual sex that goes bad and a moment of considered suicide)

Danny was so happy, he was so in love.

Oliver was the perfect gentleman, bringing flowers home to Dan every morning, giving him loving, passionate sex every night. He kissed his tears away and gave him the brightest smiles that could fill the night sky with stars.

Oliver wasn't Arin, he was close, though. He was just as soft and caring and sweet, but Oliver had an extra dash of spice. It wasn't unwelcome.

Dan missed NSP and he missed Game Grumps, he made himself a Twitter, despite his hate for it, and watched all the accounts quietly from the sidelines, frowning gently at the lack of tweets from NSP's Twitter.

@egoraptor: if anyone sees Dan please contact me

@RubberNinja: it's vital that if any fans see Dan Avidan that they contact one of us immediately.

@GameGrumps: please help us find Dan.

Dan frowned and teared up, going to YouTube and checking the channel, nearly dropping his phone as his hands shook, the banner of the channel clearly reading On Hiatus Until Further Notice. The most recent video was posted two days after Danny left, that was nearly a month ago now.

On Hiatus Until Danny Returns - Help Us Find Him

--

Things started to go down hill for Danny and Oliver after a few weeks, dan's habits got worse and Oliver started some.

"Piglet..?" Danny slowly stumbled to the bathroom, a blunt hanging loosely from his fingers.

"M'busy, Pooh!"

Dan flinched and frowned gently before opening the bathroom door, sighing and tilting his head, "you said you'd stop for today, just so we could cuddle and smoke... You know mixing is bad..."

"Mhm... I'm not mixing..." Oliver brought his head up and grunted, wiping at his nose with a low purr, white powder streaked along his cheek.

Danny tutted gently and walked over, wiping the powder from his cheek before kissing along it, "come back to bed, I wanna have some fun before we watch cartoons~"

Dan watched a light flicker behind his lover's eyes before he pressed him up to the wall, gasping gently.

Suddenly, Dan was flipped around and pressed against the wall by his chest, groaning out as his boxers were tugged down roughly.

There was no care, no finesse, Ollie just fucked him. No love.

It began to hurt eventually, and Danny didn't like it.

"P-piglet..! S-slow down..!" He whimpered, gasping and crying out as a hand wrapped around his neck and silenced his pleas; he clawed at the wall weakly and crying more as black spots filled his vision, eventually taking over.

--

Dan woke with a shallow gasp and a choked sob, shaking heavily as big arms tightened around him, whimpering and hugging the neck tight, sobbing gently.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Pooh Bear... I was so high... I didn't realise..."

Dan shook more and opened his eyes slowly, sobbing softly with a broken you hurt me... Y-you didn't stop... You...

"I'm sorry..."

--

Dan walked into the kitchen slowly, eyeing the peeling paint on the walls as he entered, some weeks gone but the scars still fresh from the incident. He smoked as he walked, frowning heavily with bags under his eyes, and opened the cupboards slowly, sighing heavily at the lack of food as the front door opened.

"Piglet, where's the food..?"

No answer.

"Piglet-"

"Where's my coke?"

"What?"

Ollie grunted lowly and walked over with heavy footsteps, "my cocaine! Where is it?!"

Dan flinched and widened his eyes, "I don't know! Why would I know?"

The larger man slapped him harshly and caused him to fall to the floor, both of them flushed but for different reasons, "don't lie!"

"I-I'm not!" Dan held himself on the floor, crying gently as his cheek stung heavily.

Suddenly, Danny was dragged to his feet by his collar and a hand was tightened around his neck, the other holding a gun against his temple, "promise you're not lying?!"

Dan sobbed a weak where did you get that?! as he struggled gently, paling.

"Sold the food, it came cheap, lots of ammo too~"

Danny tilted his head back and hiccuped a weak okay! I-I don't know where your coke is! P-please calm down and I'll get some groceries...

Oliver seemed to calm down and that relieved Dan a great deal, he shook gently as he was put down on his feet, heart racing as he tugged on some pants and rushed out.

--

Dan was alone. He was scared.

He sat in his bathroom quietly, rolling a bullet between his fingers, holding the gun in his other hand. He gently pressed the cartridge out and slid the bullet in, sliding it into his mouth and pointing it up to the top of his head.

He sat there and began to cry.

He cried for his mistakes, his choices, his friends, his family. He cried for Oliver. He cried for Avi and Debbie. He cried for Arin. He cried for Suzy. He cried for Barry and Ross and Brian and everyone that had ever smiled at him on the street. He cried for everyone that had ever looked up to him. He cried for everyone looking for him now. He cried because he didn't deserve to. He cried because he was wired on withdrawals. He cried because he wanted to. Because he didn't want to. He cried because he could.

Danny cried because his finger was on the trigger and he wanted to pull it. He cried because he wanted a moment of peace from his life. A moment of silent eternity.

Daniel Avidan cried for his younger self who would be destined to grow into this shell of a human.

He dropped the gun and wailed into his hands, shaking and hiccuping as he thumbed at his phone screen, adding a new contact and a memorised number with a broken sob.

I'm so sorry for what I've caused. - Sent @ 02:09 A.M.

Who is this? - Received @ 02:17 A.M.

It's Dan, Arin. I've made so many mistakes. I'm sorry. - Sent @ 02:19 A.M.

It's five am what am I doing with my life??? The next chapter will be done at like lunch idk