I Tried To Give You Up, But I'm Too Addicted.

• my pain is mine and mine alone •

Some weeks passed, Suzy and Arin spoke more, things were okay.

Danny was still recovering with minor set backs, bad dreams and days where he just needed to be by himself; today was one of those days.

He sat quietly in the park, eyes closed, hands on his knees, head held high and eyes closed gently, his mouth in a thin line. He focused on each abstract thought, picking it apart and putting it back together. He listened to everything around him; the birds, the trees, the families, everything that made a sound had embedded its self into Daniels mind.

He focused on footsteps drawing closer, on how a second pair followed in tandem, how the ground shifted slightly when they sat near him. It stayed quiet. He kept his eyes shut. He sighed out.

"What're you thinking about?"

"Hm?"

"I wanna know what you're thinking about."

Danny flexed his fingers and locked them in his lap, continuing to relax, "I'm thinking about everything."

"Everything?"

"How do you think birds evolved beaks?"

"To eat..?"

Danny sighed, nodding slowly and laying back, "I'm thinking about the world, I'm thinking about the people I love, the people I miss. I'm thinking about my life and what I've accomplished."

"Do you regret anything?"

"I... No."

"No?"

"If nothing that happened to me happened, I wouldn't be here right now. I wouldn't be so... At peace... I might be panicked, I might be dead, I might be perfectly happy anyway. There's so many ways my life could have gone, and it went like this."

"Are you happy about that?"

"Yeah, I like how things are," Danny opened his eyes and watched the clouds roll past, "I love my life; it's weird to think that after what's happened..."

Arin nodded and sighed, Danny watched each movement and how mechanical they were, "yeah, it is."

"How are you?" Barry's voice was attentive, as if he didn't want to disturb a topic they'd laid to rest some time ago.

"I'm okay, I'm very okay."

"Okay."

--

Dan -> my life was just a long line of 'okay's until I met you. I hated it  -- Sent @ 00:26

Dan -> thank you for saving me from a life of normality -- Sent @ 00:26

Dan -> thank you for giving me so much time to develop and just -- Sent @ 00:27

Dan -> become who I am -- Sent @ 00:29

Dan -> god I'm crying and I don't even have a reason -- Sent @ 00:31

Arin -> that's okay -- Received @ 00:32

Arin -> you don't need a reason to cry -- Received @ 00:32

Dan -> I just wanna hide sometimes, I wanna hide from life, I wanna hide in you and your warmth, I wanna become you for a day and just feel your confidence and I just wanna FEEL -- Message Failed

Arin -> I love you and I'll help you -- Message Failed

--

They sat in the office in silence together, each moment was sweet and gentle, they basked in each waking moment together, eyes closed and heads tilted towards the ceiling. Arin could feel the brush of dan's hair against his jaw, Dan could feel arin's knuckles against his thigh. They were so close together yet too far apart. Every second of bliss was one wasted on a moment of egocentric silence. The world was theirs for the taking.

Dan moved slightly and opened his eyes, mouth parting, a puff of air escaping as he gulped gently.

"What're we doing?"

"Huh?"

"We're just sat here..."

"I'm spending time with one of the most important people in my life. My... Best friend."

Danny flinched and smiled weakly, whispering a soft yeah. My best friend. Before standing up carefully, his knees shaking, his hands clenched, shoulders slumped. He stood tall.

"Where're you going..?"

"I'm gonna go get some coffees." He lied through his teeth, each word was like acid on the tip of his tongue, he wanted to throw up.

"Can I have a-"

"Caramel latte. You don't need to pay me back."

"Th-thanks..."