I Tried To Give You Up, But I'm Too Addicted.

• im waiting for the day where i abandon myself •

Dan watched the ceiling with tired eyes, every passing second was like agony. He needed another day with arin, another moment of bliss, another glimpse of sparkling eyes, parted lips, long hair.

He turned over, his forearm under his head as he curled up slightly, his feet poking from the edge of the bed covers, his eyes lidded. Dan tapped a soft rhythm into the mattress next to his heart, eventually mimicking the lonely tune.

Everything comes in twos; two eyes, two ears, two arms, two legs, two lungs. He needs a second mouth on his, a second heart against his own, a second tongue-

Stop, he told himself, stop it. Stop being so... Bad.

He sat up and slipped his glasses on, frowning as he slowly began to write in a notebook, the pages hanging out and pictures taped in.

I'm too tired sometimes I don't feel like doing anything at all I don't feel like talking to anyone at all sometimes I want to sleep until all my problems go away sometimes I want to not feel anything at all I'm trying but I can feel myself breaking im not okay today maybe tomorrow I won't feel so bad but tonight I can't handle myself please understand none of this is your fault I'm just tired of being me right now.

--

Dan and Arin walked through the city together, wrapped up tight in warm gear, Christmas slowly approaching and the cold weather setting in.

Arin hesitated and gulped, "so, uh, how are you..?"

"I'm okay."

"Is it nice to be out of the house?"

Danny nodded slowly and watched the ground, sniffling and rubbing at the back of his neck quietly; he didn't want to talk, he liked to listen to the soft Christmas tunes and the laughter around him.

"Why don't we go grab some coffees and sit down?"

"Sure."

Dan followed Arin quietly, humming and sighing gently, gently giving Arin the loose coins in his pocket.

"To pay for my coffee..."

Arin smiled and nodded gently, dan's heart exploding.

Please no not now I just wanna relax I don't wanna think about loving him-

"Danny?"

"Huh?" He blinked a few times and gulped, taking the coffee slowly, "thanks..."

"No problem..."

They left the coffee shop together quietly, each cradling a warm cup of coffee as they sat down in a small park, no one around, the lake frozen over in front of them both.

Danny sipped his coffee and closed his eyes, gulping gently and sniffling, curling his toes in his ratty trainers and sighing out, watching the steam rise from his cup.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm-"

"Don't lie to me." Arin was being unnaturally serious, Danny looked at the moss growing against the legs of the bench.

"I don't know."

Arin nodded gently and Danny took it as a queue to continue.