A Stronger Love (Jacquees) [Discontinued]

Confused and Fooled.

Jacquees's Point of View ~ Friday, 2:23pm

I was seated at my desk in the house, going over some things on my laptop for the trip to Vegas. I was going over the pricing for the hotel, the rental vehicle and things like that. The kids are at school and Cheyenne went to get her hair done. Thank God. After yesterday, all I wanted was a little time to myself. Hopefully after the talk I had with the kids, things may get a little easier. Cheyenne and I still aren't on good terms but we'll see how that goes once she gets back. We both need some space.

The phone rang off, annoying me but once I noticed the number I immediately answered, "Hey, mom." It sounded as if she was cooking in the background, "How are you, Rodriquez?" Her tone was clipped and that made me worry a little, "I'm living, mom. Why does it sound like you're angry with me?" She sighed and I heard her drop something small - like an eating utensil. "Why is it that I have to hear from everyone else that you're dealing with yet another girl, Rodriguez?" Sitting back in my chair, I rolled my eyes knowing how long this would be. "Mom-"

"No, let me speak. You've been running through girls most of your life but when you settled down with LaToya, I thought you had caught some sense. Rodriquez, all these lil fast girls you are bringing into you and your family's lives ain't no good and you know it." I had to counter her, "Cheyenne is not like the rest." I could tell by her tone that she didn't believe me, "Oh, she isn't? What makes you think that?" The words flew out of my mouth faster than intended, "She actually makes me happy." The sound what came from her mouth was one of annoyance, "Are you really trying to tell me that the woman who you were married to didn't make you happy?"

I would be lying if I said that, "No. That's not what I'm trying to say. It's just that Cheyenne seems different. I can't really explain." She sighed, "How is she with the kids?" Running my hand through my hair, I spoke lowly, "Not so good but I think things will get better once she has the baby." She screamed through the phone, "Baby?!" Woops. "What do you mean 'when she has the baby', Rodriquez? You got her pregnant?" Sighing, "Look, mom. It wasn't intentional. It just happened.." She spoke slowly, "So what you're trying to tell me is the woman who doesn't get along with your kids is having your baby and you aren't the least bit concerned about how the kids will treat that baby?"

I didn't even think about that, d-mn. My silence answered her question, "Rodriquez, I just want the best for you but what I'm seeing now isn't the best." She was saying that in comparison to what I had with LaToya. I knew it for a fact. "Mom, why can't you accept the fact that she makes me happy?" She grew frustrated, "Maybe because I'm not only thinking about you. I'm thinking about those three kids that have watched you jump from woman to woman — especially the twins — and how this is affecting them. What about their happiness, Rodriquez? If you'd stop being so selfish for a minute and just think about this, maybe things would work out for the better good."

Sighing, I answered her, "Mom, they don't like her because she's not LaToya. It's the same thing with every girlfriend I have. I can't change their opinion of who they want my soulmate to be. That's not possible. You know I love them with all my heart but I just don't know what to do. I'm standing on a line between the kids and Cheyenne. If I choose Cheyenne, I lose the great relationship I have with them. If I choose the kids, I may lose the person who God has placed on the earth just for me. I'm in a very confusing position." It took her a while to answer, "Do you love her? Like really love her, Rodriquez?"

I thought for a second and came to realize, "I don't even know." Sighing again, she answered, "Figure that out first. If you don't love her, why keep battling with yourself over this? You need to know that first and.. you have some great kids. Give them some time, they'll come around." She's right. "Okay mom," Glancing at my watch, I continued, "I gotta go pick up the kids. We'll talk soon, love you." She answered, "Alright, love you too and hail the kids for me." With that, I hung up and grabbed my phone from the desk, shoving it into the pocket of my sweatpants. After getting everything I needed and heading out the door, I found myself seated in the car thinking about everything we had just discussed. Do I really love her?