Mockingjay: What If......

Chapter 13 - Katniss

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!!!!!! I promised to update and I didn't and I hate myself for that. Maybe I'm worried you'll kill me for writing this chapter. But guys please don't. (I know, haters gonna hate but still.) So without further ado, I present the worst chapter I have ever written!
When I woke up, I looked around frantically for any sign of Gale. Proof that he had really been there. But everything was just as it had been yesterday. 
It was hard to focus on anything because of the excruciating pain of my back. I wondered what the meaning of my dream was. It was a dream, right? What else could it be?
There was no way he could have actually been there. But the harder I tried to convince myself it wasn't real, the more I believed that it was.
My mind wandered back to my family and Peeta. Peeta...... As hard as I tried, I just couldn't get him out of my head. Did I still have feelings for Peeta?
I honestly didn't understand my own feelings anymore. Some days, I loved Gale with all my heart. Other days, I felt almost the same about Peeta and Gale.
Of course I still cared about Peeta, just not in a romantic context. Never once had I doubted my decision of Gale. He was the fire that shined bright in my darkest days. The flame that kept my own fire burning when it was dying out. And Peeta could never do that for me.
But Peeta understood. Peeta was in the games. He saw the same things I saw, things we could never forget. He had the nightmares. Watching the other tributes die over and over again. Rue. The mutts tearing Cato to pieces.
Peeta had been through other things too, things no person should ever have to go through. I never would have survived Capitol torture. But Peeta did. He was strong, physically and mentally. But so was Gale.
These two boys both meant the world to me. But one was dead, and the other would never be the boy he once was. The impossible choice. The impossible love. Neither of them boys would ever be with me.
I had hurt Peeta, and he was even more sensitive since the hijacking. I was sorry, but I wouldn't be caught dead apologizing to him. I had overreacted, and he had paid the price. He'd had every right to know what was going on, but I was stubborn. My stubbornness would get me killed some day.
My inner conflict was put on hold when I heard the key turn in the lock. I turned to face the door, and what I saw was so shocking that I had to blink about ten times to prove they were really there. Peeta. And Haymitch. Standing in the doorway with Coin right behind them.
They stepped in, and the door swung closed behind them. Peeta looked..... different. His face was pale and drawn. His eyes were red, almost like he'd been crying. There were bags under his eyes. The only time I had ever seen him like this was...... No. It couldn't be.
I choked down tears. "What did you do to him?" No answer. I noticed that they were both wearing earpieces. That meant Coin was probably feeding them instructions. Haymitch grimaced, then glanced at Peeta, who nodded.
Haymitch gave me an apologetic, almost ashamed look. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," he said. I could see the tears in his eyes. He slumped to the ground and buried his face in his hands.
Peeta was staring at me intensely. I could see a hunger in his eyes, a longing. This wasn't the Peeta I knew. He moved toward me, now with sheer determination in his eyes.
"Please, Peeta," I sobbed, "I know you're in there somewhere. Please think about this."
He kept moving in my direction. Then he did something surprising. He unchained me. I saw concern on his face when he looked me over.
"Are you okay, Babe?" Babe? Why would he call me that? Peeta had never even used the word babe. This wasn't Peeta. It couldnt be. This was a mutt, a monster, an inhuman creation of our rulers.
I winced in pain when he touched my wounds. The look of concern was still on his face, but it didn't hide the longing. I had to do something. But what could I do? There was no way out of this place. Except death.                                                                         Peeta reached towards me again, then hesitated. I watched his face carefully, and saw him wince. I could only assume Coin was yelling at him through the earpiece. I almost laughed when he ripped out the earpiece and threw it to the ground. He crushed it under his boot, leaving nothing but tangled wires.                           
Coin growled through the speakers. "Do what I say, and do it now! You know very well what the consequences will be if you don't follow my instructions exactly. Go on! Do it!"                             There was a change in Peeta's face. He looked more confident, and the hunger returned to his eyes. He pulled a gun out of his jacket and pointed it at me. Haymitch turned, a panicked look in his eyes. He tried to talk to Peeta. "Come on, Peeta, think about this. Please."
Peeta turned to glare at him, then spoke to me. "Please, Katniss, listen to me. Do what I say, and no one will get hurt." His beautiful blue eyes pleaded with me, telling me to do as he asked. But I wasn't making a choice until I heard his demands. 
"What do you want from me, Peeta?" I would have broken down in tears if I had said more. Seeing him like that was killing me. Then I realized that was the idea. Coin knew how much seeing him would affect me. She wanted to trick me into doing what she wanted. And I was probably about to do it.
I watched Peeta carefully, and saw him gulp. He looked me right in the eye, gun lowered to his side. "Take off your clothes. Now." What? Why? I realized then that Coin had hijacked Peeta not to hate me, but to love me even more. She had strengthened his love to the point where he wanted nothing more than to.....
I didn't say anything to Peeta, but instead looked toward the speaker in the corner of the room. Because I didn't want to talk to Peeta, I wanted to talk to Coin. "I'll do what you ask on one condition." I waited for her response. She hesitated for only a moment before telling me her answer. 
"Name it."
I nodded, and tried not to cry. "I need you to swear on your life that no harm will come to my friends or family. And Peeta..." my voice cracked. "Give him more of the antidote. Fix him. That's all I ask."
Coin had to think about that one for a while. She didn't answer until about two minutes later. "The first condition is not a problem. The second.... I will try, Mockingjay, but there is no guarantee."
I didn't suppose I really had much of a choice in the first place, but I hoped it would save lives. I sighed, and began to take off my ugly district 13 jumpsuit. Soon I was standing there completely naked.
Then I realized that Peeta had taken his clothes off while I was taking off mine. I stared intently at his prosthetic leg, not knowing where else to look. He moved closer to me, and I crossed my arms over my chest protectively.
But I knew that this was the ultimate victory for Coin. She had gotten exactly what she wanted. I was giving up, letting her control me. I was sacrificing my freedom.
There wasn't a choice, though. I uncrossed my arms and moved closer to Peeta. But before I gave in, I whispered something so quietly that no one but me heard it. Just three words. "I'm sorry Gale."
And I'm sorry for doing this. If you need to blame someone blame my friend Amina. Don't worry this isn't over yet. Good has to triumph in the end, right? Well..... Not always. Anyway I hope you liked this! Oh who am I kidding I bet everyone hated it. I know its terrible, but bear with me. It will get better, I promise. Actually never mind my promises are worth crap. This note is getting way to long so bye!
-Katrina