Emotions are a Funny, Complicated Thing.

june 14

June 14

It's been a little more than a year since I've seen them. And I don't know why I keep writing in about you. I don't know why I still dream of us together. I don't know why I can't get you out of my head. I don't know why I still have you in my heart.

I told myself to move on, I tell myself everyday as if it's a daily chore. I just can't get your bright smile, your contagious laugh, and your honest personality out of my uninterrupted head. It's so hard to find someone who was like you. It's taken me a year to finally except the fact that there is no one similar to you, not one bit. I can't find anyone else to fill what I lost.

I miss you, so immensely that I can't function everyday normally. The fact that you've had that effect on me is insane. And the fact that I was the one to let you go kills me even more with every thought of you. I was so blind, so careless, I didn't know what I had until it was gone. You're gone.

I just wish I could experience the things I lost without taking them for granted. I wish I could back in time the day I let you go and run up to you grab you and kiss you and tell you not to go and tell you I was an idiot. I don't know why I didn't that day. I am so sorry.

I know you won't see this; I won't mail you every entry I wrote about you. Because you've moved on I assume. And if you didn't move on and you are in the state I am in as well I am so incredibly sorry. I would never want this pain upon you. The constant wondering and hoping then doubting then accepting that I will never see you again. I am so sorry my love. I still love you and I'm sorry I didn't tell you then.

-Lost