Colours Of Fear

and i'll use you as a focal point

    I let my head fall onto the steering wheel and my foot slam on the gas pedal chasing after Kai wander around in the darkness of then winter midnight. The starry sky added a somber affect when driving around looking for the man you love, destroy them self.

Every time I saw Kai I'd slam on my brakes because I wasn't able to open my mouth to
talk. I had no words for Kai. My brain couldn't grasp onto the fact that I was losing him.

"Kai!", I screamed out my window.

I watched Kai turn around and walk up to my car window. He placed his hand behind my neck and pulled my lips onto his. Kai kissed with his eyes open all the time. But this time he closed them when we kissed and walked away.

I sat in my car in a deadlock and stared at Kai walk away into the pitch black woods. His cigarette hanging out of the side of his mouth and his hair greased back. I let myself lose him again. After finding him, I lost him.

"God dammit!", I screamed, crying hysterically and punching anything that surrounded me.

I breathed rapidly, gasping for air between each scream. My eyes narrowed and I ran my finger over my lips, folding my fingers into my hand acting like I was holding Kai's hand. My hair was ruffed up and I looked like a mess. I was a mess without Kai. I didn't like to be sappy and lovey, but I needed Kai. He fueled me with hope and rebellion.

I closed my eyes and laid my head back on the head rest and laughed to myself. I was messing myself and Kai. Wrecking something that was great, all along I thought it was Kai, but truly
it was me. I wrecked something that was amazing.

"Kai", I unlocked my car door and screamed into the open woods, praying for a call back to my pitiful scream.

"Kai", I fell to my knees and cried again.

My back arched over my knees and my head drooping low screaming how bothered I was. I held my knees to my tensed pecs and yelled for anyone this time, not just Kai.

I screamed for anyone and everything I ever loved or hated. Mostly they were for Kai.

"I found love where it wasn't supposed to be", I heard a distinctive loud hoarse voice behind me and immediately knew it was Kai.

As turned around rapidly, hurting my neck to just see that he was gone. He left back into the deep dark velvety black woods without me. Everything good happened without me.

My eyes closed and I sulked back into my car. I gritted my teeth together and pursed my lips. My foot slammed on the gas and I drove through the woods dodging trees and such. I swerved around hoping to find Kai somewhere. But by the time I slammed onto my brakes before hitting a small fawn, I never found Kai.