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Chapter 15

Little Do you Know by Alex & Sierra

Things come back to haunt you no matter how long ago they happened. Some things that weren't entirely your fault. Once upon a time I went to a party, did what most teenagers do at parties, and ended up kissing Alex's best friend thinking it was Alex. Alex had no idea I even went to the party because I knew he hates me doing bad things, therefore I didn't tell him. Then when I woke up the next morning with fuzzy memories flashing in and out, I panicked. I called a few people that was at the party and sure enough the fuzzy memories were all true. I kept it all from Alex for about a week before the guilt of kissing him made me want to puke. He didn't believe me at first, thinking I was trying to see how far I could push him which stung more than what it would have if he had just outright yelled at me. 

The incident never seems to fade. Alex's brother likes to remind me of it constantly and it kills me. He's even told Alex's cousin as well and he made a joke about it last night. It was like hot coals being thrown in my face. I grabbed my book I was reading and quickly went to the bedroom I've adopted as my own, shutting the door firmly behind me. I choked back the tears threatening to fall and closed my eyes. I reopened them as I heard the door quietly being opened. Alex stood in the doorway with worry in his eyes. I rolled over on my side and pretended to be reading. He sat on the edge of the bed and gently closed the book. He then leaned forward to place a kiss upon my lips, but i quickly turned my head. I didn't deserve to kiss him, not after what I had done. He shouldn't have stayed with me after I did it either, but for some reason he did. 

"Baby girl, what's wrong?" He asked softly. He leaned forward to kiss me again which I dodged once more. Hurt flashed through his blue eyes. "Mackenzie, please," he pleaded. 

"Alex, I'm just tired. I'm going to bed," I muttered as I hugged the blankets around myself. 

"No you're not Mackenzie," he said in a stern voice that made my breath hitch, "Just tell me what's wrong." I remained silent, not knowing exactly how to explain my hurt. It's so hard for me to speak what's on my mind rather than writing it out. "See? This is what I'm talking about. It's annoying." *insert whipping noise* A whip is exactly how it felt too. I have never once called him annoying and it hurt more than anything that he felt that way about me. I already felt out of place enough by living with people other than my family and knowing I was judged for how i acted simply because I wasn't blood. I depended on Alex to be my support, to be the one person I didn't have to worry about judging me in these hard times. I fought back tears and let out a shaky breath and told him to leave me alone. He was persistent though, refusing to let me have the last word. After about thirty minutes, I explained I was hurt because of the whole party thing and vaguely about him calling me annoying. He explained I wasn't annoying, but the way I kept things from him was. It didn't matter though; I was still hurt. I didn't tell him how hurt I was though. I told him I was fine and faked a smile. He believed me and went back into the game room. I came in there a few minutes later and sat in the recliner with him. I fell asleep in the chair with him while reading my book to the sound of the clicking of him clicking and smashing buttons.

Maybe I over react sometimes, but it still hurts. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who simply can't express myself truly without it being written.