Alis Volat propiis

chapter 1

Chapter 1

I suppose life is looking up at the moment. My step mom and I are getting along fairly good. We used to be really close, but over time we drifted and things just got bad. I suppose it all started after my first love and I split after he cheated on me at camp. A church camp... hard hit. I just never really was the same after that. Depression set in after a month or so and with it came dangerous things. I'm not proud of the scars I have to show from those dark times. I wouldn't wish those horrible feelings on anyone. Not even my worst enemy.

I don't know why we drifted, maybe me starting freshmen year had something to do with it. We're getting along pretty well ever since we got the news of a baby coming in March. It's weird to think of having a new little sister or brother at my age, 16. I'm excited though. I haven't had a baby in the house in so long. I hope it's a girl. I've convinced my step mom to name the baby Adeline if it's a girl. Dad wants to name it Hazel if it's a girl, which is fine if she has hazel eyes like me, but it'd just be weird to name her Hazel if she had my dad's ice blue eyes. I don't know how to feel about my step mom having my dad's baby instead of my biological mom. It hurts a little to think about, but there's no use getting upset about it. The deed's done. It can't be taken back.

I've been missing Austynn less as time goes by, but the memory of him still hits me hard. He showed me so many things and we've been through so much, but there's a time in someone's life, every person's life, when they realize if they love someone enough and know that things aren't going to work, they have to let them go. Even if it kills them. I suppose I still love him. I know you might say I'm too young to know what love is, but right now, this is love to me at my age. I wish people understood that.

Things have happened this summer that I regret and no matter what I do, I know I can't take them back. I've hurt people and I'm going to fix it, even if it means I have to take some hard hits on the way.

My list of things to do

1. Patch things up with my parents

2. Make things right again with one of my buddies since 3rd grade

3. No more secrets

4. Get my life back on track

5. No more things that could hurt me in the long run

6. Join cross country

7. Live life like it's meant to be lived

It isn't going to be easy, but I have to start somewhere.

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