Accidental love

Chapter 14

Chapter 14

He kissed me as if his life depend on it. His lips were soft against mine. Our lips moving in sync. It was slow at first but it grew more intense.

He cupped my face and stroked my cheek with his thumb. Creating a steady motion. All thoughts few out of my mind.

I wrapped my hands around his neck pulling him closer. He tasted of chocolate, my favourite. I moaned as he nibbled on my lower lip. I couldn't get enough, I wanted more.

He deepened the kiss threading his fingers through my hair.

Slowly we broke apart gasping for air. He rested his forehead against mine. Lust swarmed in both of our eyes. This time I was afraid. I was afraid because I knew we were in deep and both of us were destined to burn.

Then the reality hit me like a brick. It was wrong. What we did shouldn't have happened.

With a deep sigh I step back. Hurt flashed in his eyes. I dropped my gaze. I couldn't see him this way. No words could make him feel better so silence was what I gave him.

"We shouldn't have kissed", I mumbled breaking the silence between us. For a moment I thought he didn't even heard me.

He closed his eyes, hands fisted by his side. I knew he was trying to control himself. We both were hurting inside. I wanted to hug him and say it's going to be okay and we can be together but I know it isn't. Nothing is ever okay. There's no forever and eternity, happily ever after, it is all lie. Lie that we are made to believe since our childhood and when it's time to face the hard truth of life we shatter because none of that was true.

He grabbed me by the shoulder and yanked towards him. Our faces inches apart. His eyes eye's showed raw emotion. I had never seen him so vulnerable and helpless. And it fucking hurts to see him like this.

"Yes, yes you were right. Yes I have feelings for you. And I can't stand seeing you with Nolan when it's me you should be with. I thought we had something. I don't even understand why you're marrying him when it is clear you don't want to marry anyone, why Ava why", he yelled dropping his hands from my shoulder.

I bit my lower lip to stop from crying, "Please don't make this hard for me",I pleaded. "I cannot do this. Just go away".

I looked at him and he had closed himself off from every emotion. The vulnerability and feelings were gone as if they weren't even there. It will be best for both of us if he just went away, far from this shit, far from me.

Without waiting for his reply I turned around and ran as fast as I could. Tears ran down my face. I knew I was mess. I was unable to breathe it felt as if someone ripped my heart right out of my chest.

I fell down in the middle of the street my face buried between my hands and I cried my heart out.

He was right, I myself didn't knew why I was doing this. Why couldn't I be selfish and think once about myself, my happiness. Why I had to think about others first. Life gave me chance at love and what I did.

I fucking let it go. I ruined it. The only good thing that happened to me.

You see good things, like this just never happened everyday. It happens when you least expect it. And that's when life gets all complicated. You have to choose between two halves of yourself. That's not even fair. It doesn't even matter sometimes what you chose because at the end you still feel the emptiness of the other. Life is never easy and it teaches you this the hard way.

*************************************************************

The whole night I couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes the night played before me. I just wanted to forget everything.

Even the kiss.

It wasn't that the kiss was not good but it was the after events that shatters me.

Dragging myself from the bed I cleaned a bit so that I looked presentable. I applied layers of makeup to hide my swollen eyes. Even my eyes looked dull. They had lost their colour. I couldn't even bring myself to smile.

Standing in front of the mirror I felt sad. The girl who laughed at silly jokes, who liked shopping, whose smile never ceased. She was gone and the one that was staring back at me was a stranger.

My house was buzzing with people moving here and there. The decorations were almost done since many guest were arriving tomorrow. Jess and Peyton decided that our backyard will be the perfect location for the wedding.

Mom was shouting at the florist for not doing her work properly. The lady look like she would faint any minute now. Chuckling to myself I went to my mother to save the little lady. My mom can be really scary if things doesn't go to her liking.

"Hey mom, it looks like you will get yourself sick. Just take a break for a second", I said and nodded to the florist that she can or god knows my mother would chop her head off.

She plopped down on the chair and rubbed her forehead. "Ava there's still so much to do and these damn people don't work properly I don't know how things are going to get completed on time", she replied.

"Everything will be taken care you just take care or else there will be no wedding if you got sick".

"No...no...no...don't say that. This wedding is important and has to be perfect", she exclaimed. On her watch I don't think even if it rained the wedding would stop. "Why don't you help yourself in kitchen and I'll see to this".

I thought that I would find something to keep me busy but it seemed that nobody was ready to let the bride work. Nobody understood that I needed it to stop thinking of Jac....him.

Picking up the magazine from the counter I went outside. Flipping through the pages I came across an add that said, there is an organisation looking for volunteers to help in Africa.

I always wanted to work with an NGO. The smiles you see on their faces when you do something is just mesmerizing. After marriage I would ask Nolan if he could get me to work with them.

The time flew by so fast and sun was coming down. I walk back to the house counting the pavement. I never saw how beautiful they were and so many. Sometimes I just acted way childish, I chuckled.

"There she is", I looked up to see Jess and Peyton coming towards me. the both were bickering about something.

This lately has been their favourite pastime. Sometimes they even forget I'm even there with them. They give me headache, I doubt why I was even friends with them.

Because you cannot be without them and no one seems to tolerate you.

My sassy subconscious said, but I have to say she's right.

"Tomorrow at 8 O2 lounge", Jess said.

"Be ready for partyyyyyyyy", Peyton sang.

Laughing I asked, "what party?"

"Idiot your bachelorette. And we called everyone you know so you have to come", Peyton said.

"And what if I said no", I replied raising my eyebrow at her.

"Hey missy no isn't an option if you don't come we will carry you if we have to", Jess stated. This girl is bossy. "And by the way Nolan is also coming".

"That means Jackson will be there too", I murmured more to myself.

"Common walk fast we have to find dress", both of them said and dragged me to my room.