Dirty Little Secret

Chapter twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Eight:

The end credits were rolling when I opened my eye, I could see a dark figure standing in the doorway of my room. Whatever it is, it makes me scared so I close my eyes and snuggle up to what is next to me. The sound of the door closing made me relax. I keep close to what is next to me. A person being in my house in my doorway at night, that really scares me since all the doors and windows are locked. Something tugs at my waist and it took me a moment to realise I was cuddling against someone. I relax more. I'm safe.

Since my curtains were open the next morning, the sun blinded me as I opened my eyes and it took me a moment to register that I was being laid on. I look around. Elliott's face was buried in my neck and our fingers were intertwined together by my side. I cant help but smile. I havent slept this good in a really long time.

My stomach clenched when Owen entered my mind. I was cheating on him, sort of. What would have happened if he did come by and we were laying like this? I'm not really cheating, am I? Laying with someone, sleeping, actual sleeping wouldnt be. I mean we didnt do anything. I squeezed my eyes shut. Why was I even thinking about me and Elliott, he doesn't want me. I sigh.

"Morning," Elliott murmured against my neck.

"Morning." I felt his body relax as he hugged my waist then he shot up and stared at me with wide eyes.

"What?"

"Why am I laying on you? Hell, I don't even remember falling asleep."

I shrug. "I dont know."

He got up and sat on the edge of my bed. "I better get going."

"Yeah, okay." I say quietly. I watched him silently as he got his shoes on and walked to my bedroom door. I felt as if I done the dirty deed with him, I felt as if I cheated on Owen. "El."

"Yeah?" He looked over his shoulder at me.

"Do you hate me?"

"How can I hate you, love?" He gave me a small smile before walking out my room.

I run after him. We never did get to talk. "El, wait." I grab his arm and spin him around.

"What is it?" He leant against the wall and looked at me. I look down at the ground and then back up at him. "Love, what is it?" He lifted my chin and frowned. What can I say to him? He sighed. "If you don't want to talk, I have to go."

"No please, dont go."

He sat down on the bottom step. "And do what, Lani?" I'm not going to cry, I'm not going to cry, I keep telling myself.

I looked away and rubbed my jaw. "I don't know," I said finally. I dont know what I can say to him after everything.

"I've got to go, Lani. I'll talk to you later." He hugged me and disappeared out the door without a backwards glance. I run up to my room and throw myself onto my bed crying.

I'm a horrible person. I've nearly lost two important boys in my life in one day, how did I manage that? And I'm pregnant with one of the boys kid. More tears streamed down my cheeks. What was I going to do? I love Elliott. But I do I really love Owen? I told him I loved him. My heart thudded. I was scared he would leave so I told him I loved him, how could I be so horrible?

What have i done? I dug my palms into my eyes and sobbed. What am i going to do now? I wiped my eyes the best I could and stood up. How could I fix this? How can I do this without being so heartless and only thinking about myself? I'm having Owen's baby. But I don't even know if I love him. Elliott would always have part of my heart but I didn't know fully who I loved. I know that I love Owen in a friend way but.. I screamed and hit my pillow. Why was it so hard?

Why do I have to be pregnant! This makes everything so much harder. I ground my teeth. Whatever happened, I would never blame the baby for anything. He or she wouldn't be to blame for anything, this was all my fault. No matter who I end up with, this baby will have a father. I frowned. This baby might not even have a father after the way I treated them. Elliott won't want a child and I lied to Owen about me loving him. I dont know what to do. I laid down on my bed, curled into a ball and let the tears flow. I grab a pillow and hold onto it closing my eyes.

I look out the window and see that the rain has stopped, but my tears haven’t. I shouldn’t be crying over him. Its stupid and I shouldn’t. Just thinking back made me want to cry even more. I had to keep telling myself to stop crying over him, it wasn't worth the tears but it didn't help. The tears just flowed from me like a waterfall. Looking over at the clock I realized how long at had been sitting here, wasting my day.

I get up off my bed and wipe the tears off my face. I pull on my converse and raincoat. I head down the stairs and yell to my parents that I’m going out and will be back soon.

Everything around me seems like a blur as I slowly make my way towards his house. His house. Somewhere I haven't been in awhile, I missed going there after school. Memories flooded, all fighting to be seen over the rest. I had taken this route to his house so many times in my life but this time it seemed like it was going to be the final time.

I hate fighting with him. I cant remember a time when we ever fought like this. Sure we had some fights here and there but best friends fight sometimes. But this is worse than any other.

Just the thought of not talking to him for that long made tears spring to my eyes. I hated feeling like this, I hated the feeling of being helpless to my own emotions. I needed to talk to him, I needed to understand what was going to happen now. Were we going to be best friends ever again or was I going to lose him? My thought ends when I see him coming out of his house, keys in his hand, with Erica. Coming down the stairs he sees me.

He looked startled but he quickly placed a neutral look on his face. He opened his mouth but quickly closed it then turned to Erica. "I'll just be a second."

Erica looked over at me then back up at him, a smile appeared on her face. "Okay, I'll wait in the car for you."

He came towards me and touched my arm. “Are you alright?”

'Are you alright?' I had heard that question so many times these past three weeks, by family members and my only close friend. They were worried about me but I forced a smile and nodded. Why should I burden them with teenage problems?

“Lani, what are you doing here?” he asked me. He didn't bother asking whether I was alright again, did that mean he didn't care? I stared at his chest, refusing to look into his eyes, if I did, I would break down in tears - again. I opened my mouth but no words came out. Why was this so hard?

“You don’t look alright, have you been crying?” he says.

I finally manage to choke words out, he stared at me until I realized he didn't understand what I said. "I'm fine." I step back, not trusting myself to stand close to him without jumping into his arms.

“Lani, I know that you have. What happened?” he asked.

I don't say anything. I look away, which I can tell annoys him. He stares at me until I finally turn back to him. "It's nothing," I whisper. I could see Erica sitting in the car, looking smug.

“Lani, why did you come here?”

"I don't know," I whispered. I honestly didn't know. Why was I here? “I should go. I don’t want to bother you.”

He stared at me. "Wait, Lani-"

"Don't worry," I held my hands up. "I'll catch up with you later." I turned and walked away, without a backwards glance.