Let me in (S.M)

twenty one

song I recommend for this chapter: Hallelujah by MacKenzie Bourg

Simon:

I notice her as she comes in, how could I miss her? Her hair is slightly frizzy now and her feet are bare; her heels grasped tightly in her hand.

She doesn't even have to look at me to know I'm here. I can sense she knows as she walks up to the table and sits across from me-like how it used to be.

"Sorry about Jay." She mutters.

"Jay?" I question.

"The guy who punched you-he's called Jay, I met him when I was flying home." She replies.

"Home? Sorry, not sure if you mean your actual home or New York?" I bitterly say.

"You don't have to be a dickhead Simon." She snaps.

"I'm not the one leaving the person I love to go thousands of miles away because they're so hung up on the fact that they sometimes hurt people." I angrily say back.

"You just don't get it." She mumbles, her voice conveying annoyance.

"No, you're right, I don't." I shrug, mad.

"I'm just trying to not mess everything up." She whispers.

I look to her, "what?"

She bites her lip, probably trying to hold back a soft cry, "it's really hard to try and make everyone happy, Charlie, you, Harry, Sophie, my mum, myself." 

"Violet..." I trail off, not quite knowing what to say to her.

She shakes her head, "I am not made for you Si."

"Don't say that." I shake my head, tears spilling from my eyes.

She reaches her thumb up to my face and wipes away a few tears, "we are different people, with different lives, with different dreams; some things don't always last, yeah? You will do so many amazing things and I will too and one day maybe we will see each other again and remember who we used to be because we won't ever be the same people."

"I love you." I choke out, a cry catching in my throat.

"I know, I love you too, but this is where it ends, this is where we walk away from each other and where we start again." She nods despite her tears.

"I don't want to start again, I want to keep going." I whisper, putting my hand to hers which rests on my cheek.

"Simon..." She trails off and I can see the pain in her eyes.

We sit in a comfortable silence, the only sound being the constant buzzing from the lights above us and the clock ticking. 

"I want to spend the last night of the year with you." I look her right in the eyes as I say this.

I don't see any hesitation as she replies, "c'mon."

She stands up and takes my hand, her other hand being taken up by her shoes. We walk back to my house, we don't talk; we just savour the moment. 

She walks up to my room, I follow her and I watch as she places her heels on the floor and climbs in to my bed. I follow her and we lie side by side, both looking in to each other's eyes. 

"You don't regret me, do you?" She asks, her hand reaching for mine.

"Never." I whisper.

"Maybe one day." She simply says and I nod.

Everything feels right as I pull her in to my body as she softly cries, her tears absorbing in to my t-shirt. My arms wrap around her small body and my head rests on her violet hair, the smell making me feel at home because it's the same coconut-scented shampoo she's always used. I feel my eyes droop as her body snuggles closer in to mine. 

I wake to find my bed empty, I lunge up and desperately search for any sign of her. I see a note on my desk and pick it up, knowing it's from her.

'Dear Si,

These letters are getting really old aren't they? Sorry about that but I'm not good at talking face to face and we both know goodbyes aren't my speciality. 

Thank you for last night, thank you for loving me and thank you for being someone I will never ever forget for the rest of my life. I love you unconditionally. 

Tell the boys I said bye and that I wish them all the best, as I do for you. You're all some of the most incredible people I've ever met and I'm waiting for the day I see you taking the world over since you're basically halfway there.

Maybe I'll come back, maybe I won't. But I think it's best that after this letter, we don't talk. Don't call me or text me or anything because we need to move on, we need to find new parts of ourselves and meet new people and fall in love again because, let's face it, we definitely will. I'll never feel the same with someone else as I do with you but I know I'll feel something different; which might not be that bad.

You're funny Simon, really funny. You're so smart and sweet and you are the most selfless person I have ever met and funnily enough, you really remind me of Charlie. I know he would've loved you. Don't stop being you because there are millions who love you, just like me.

So, yeah, that's it. I'll be gone by the time you read this, my flight leaves at half eleven. Happy New Years Simon, I hope you have the best year of your life; you deserve it.

With all my love,

Vi x'

I reach for my phone and check the time, 11:13 a.m. I sprint out of my room, my hand still tightly clutching her letter. I throw my body in to my car and pull out of the drive, probably breaking the speed limit as I try to get to the airport to see her. 

I check the time again as I run in to the airport, to see it's 11:29 a.m. I feel my feet take me in her direction as I desperately try to find her. 

Violet:

I walk, one of my headphones in and the other out, across the tarmac, following other passengers as they board the plane. I steady myself as I walk up the steep stairs, smiling at the air hostess and not looking back, in fear of regretting my choice. 

Simon:

I stand at the huge window, watching as she walks up the stairs of the plane, I place my hand on the pane and scrunch her letter in the other. I place my forehead on the window as I catch a final glance of her hair before she disappears from my vision.

I drive, not knowing where I'm going until I find myself at her flat building. I walk to her door and slide the key out from under her doormat, remembering the time she said she sometimes left a spare key there. I unlock the door and gulp at the scene.

The whole room is empty, no pictures line the walls and no cushions cover the sofa; since there is no sofa. No books are scattered across the non-existent coffee table and no coffee cups sit on the kitchen counter. I quickly walk in to her bedroom and feel my stomach drop at her empty room. I notice something lying on the floor and sigh. My hoodie sits there, folded. I pick it up and hold it close to my chest, basking in the scent she has left on it and the memories of her wearing it. I slide down the wall and feel as tears burn my eyes, I close them and feel the familiar cold trickle of my tears finding their way down my cheeks.

I love you, Violet.

Forever.

A/N THIS IS IT OH GOD I FEEL LIKE THIS IS SHORTER THAN MOST BOOKS I HAVE READ BUT I WILL MOST DEFINITELY BE MAKING A SEQUEL DON'T YOU GUYS WORRY THERE IS MORE I WOULD BE EVIL AF IF I JUST LEFT IT HERE

SO YEAH I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS BOOK I WROTE IT REALLY QUICKLY AND THIS IS THE FIRST BOOK THAT HAS REALLY FLOWED FOR ME AND I REALLY ENJOYED WRITING IT AND OH GOD I JUST HOPE YOU GUYS LIKE IT AND ENJOY THE NEXT ONE

AS ALWAYS, HAVE A FABULOUS DAY!