World of Wolves

Chapter 37

The song today is

Dance With the Devil by Breaking Benjamin.

That song is, like, one of my favourite songs ever. Breaking Benjamin is the best band ever. I hope you all get hooked like I did. :)

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Chapter 37

Seth’s P.O.V

I gripped the covers on the bed gritting my teeth to stop myself from breaking down. My heart and head was pounding and I wasn’t sure what they were trying to tell me. She’s here, my Hayley is here. I couldn’t breathe. I was doing everything I could to get her away from me, all connections broken and then she has to come all the way to see me. I squeezed my head, gripping my hair. I was so upset I was close to pulling out my hair. 

Was this a sign? Was the universe, God or whatever telling me that I should never have let Hayley go? Nothing I did went unpunished but now that Hayley had taken everything into her own hands I’m feeling better than ever. I feel hydrated and energized, my body had seemed to have gotten over its exhaustion and I was ready for anything. Only...there were worse things happening. I felt the bond between us severed, not completely but it was definitely taking a toll on both of our bodies. I may be better on the outside but I was sore on the inside, like someone had beaten my body with a ton of bricks.  I was hurt mentally.

Everything was my fault. I keep pushing her away and both of us are suffering. I can’t turn back now or everything I did would have been torturous and in vain. I did this for her and I am going to do it till she has a better life than I could ever give her.

Hayley will never forgive me for what I did. I abandoned her and I would think it irrational if she didn’t hate me. But I love her and I always will, no matter what I say or do. I’m protecting her from me and myths that she should never have fallen into.

But whatever I do I feel so guilty about. I need to push her away so far that she won’t ever want to think of me again. I need to hurt her enough to let me go, and it’s going to kill me. I would never be able to live through this pain. It hurt too much to be away from Hayley for so long and I knew forever would kill me. I should probably announce my resignation of Alpha and make Anthony take my place. He was a more rational man than I. I screwed everything up; he tried to fix my mistakes. Unfortunately it didn’t work.

Instead of putting the rest of my pack in danger I’ll go to Cain. He’s always wanted to kill me...if I give him what he wants in return for a truce between our packs at least one thing would be fixed.

I don’t know why I thought a war would be an option. Hayley’s right, we’re not strong enough to face a war, I would die and so would my pack. I couldn’t put everyone through the loss all over again. It would put too much pressure on the eight soul mate couples. They would have to have so many children each to even try to repopulate the Blue Tribe. There are other ways to find our mates. Conner found his in the hospital... If it was possible to look normal in the human world than maybe we have a chance to survive.

I would never be able to find someone knew. I love Hayley too much to think of the possibility of another life. I could feel the depression coming from Hayley through the damaged bond. She was having such a hard time getting over me and it just opened up old wounds by coming here. I could feel her crying in the other room and I had to resist the urge to go and comfort her. She meant so much to me... I hated abandoning her and our baby.

God, how I had dreamed about our baby. I was curious about whether I had a son or daughter. I guess I would never find out. But I always imagined having a little boy, someone to teach everything I know. He would be an intellectual child because of his smart mother and I would make sure he learnt to read and write.