colors |isaac lahey ✔

Twenty One

Louisa Lloyd

After carrying Edward's body out of the station, Derek comes back to me, as I sit outside with a cup of warm tea and a few tears running down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." He whispers as he takes a seat beside me. "Why were you so mad at him?"

"He told Erica about Angelina and Brett." I hiccup and bring he earn liquid to my lips. "And she threw it at my face like it was my fault."

"It wasn't your fault." Derek rubs my arms. "Don't you dare carry that weight on your shoulders."

"But I can't help it. I left London and they die. How can I not feel this way? How am I supposed to feel then?"

He doesn't answer me. It's not like he can, he wasn't there and neither was I. Maybe I could have done something to prevent their deaths, but I wasn't there.

I wasn't there.

"I wasn't there." I whisper as more tears run down my already wet cheeks.

Not knowing what could've happened had I been there is killing me. Add the fact I'm slowly walking towards my own death and you see how horrible my life is right now.

But there are people who have it worse. And hey don't complain. So suck it up and stop crying, you fool!

"It's okay." He strokes my hair and I clean my eyes with the back of my hands.

"Are you taking his body to Deaton?"

"Yeah... I'll probably do it tomorrow or something. I have a lot to take care of now, maybe Scott can help me." He whispers. "Are you going to be okay?"

I've had enough of this. People dying everywhere I go, people getting hurt at every corner and I can't do a thing to prevent them from suffering. All because I have the visions and get too scared to act. What about that time I saw Stiles would fall from his bed and hurt his shoulder?

I did nothing. I was afraid that if I decided to help he would get hurt even more. So I let him have a sore shoulder for an entire week and heard him complain about it for hours.

I'm tired of feeling like a burden and not being able to help people. That's what I have always wanted, ever since I was a kid. And that need to help others became stronger once I came back to Beacon Hills and learnt my family's fate.

Do you know what I just decided? I'm too much. I hurt people with my presence. I endanger them. They're safer without me here.