John

Twins.

We shared everything. We felt each others pain. We did everything together. We liked to keep to ourselves. We did not like to let people in, but we let Joey in. And then he was gone. Forever. Our big brother was dead. It was surreal. Everything changed. We grew apart. Our presence was not enough for each other anymore. We split. One of us started partying and spiraling out of control. The other decided to try and end it all.
It didn't work.
We tried to mend our bond. One of us addicted to partying and getting drunk, the other addicted to the pain of a blade slicing through their skin and their own grief and self hatred.
We never fully healed. We never really will. But we have each others backs until the day one or both of us dies. Even then our bond will never fully break. We have been together our whole lives. And we will be together after it all ends. That's just the way it is.

         It's the way it's always been.

We got a little better after awhile, but we never fully healed from all the hell we went through.
Then Sarah was born. We felt hope and fear. Hope that the tiny little baby that was our sister would bring light back into our dark and damned existence. Fear that she would leave us like Joey did was always present, so we never truly let her in. Then we split almost completely. One of us stayed in Australia, the other moved to Japan. We lost contact for awhile and then came back together. One mended and one broken.

We lost Gramma. She was an anchor to our Grandfather and a light house shining with a beacon of hope to us as we were lost out at sea. The currents were rough and the journey was dark and lonely. She always shined bright, helping us avoid those jagged and sharp rocks threatening to sink our ship. After she died we struggled to keep our ship from sinking. We hit so many rocks and took in so much water, we almost drowned. But we made it to shore with the help of our mother.
She pulled us to shore and gave us love and hope that we had lost while out at sea.
We still didn't let her in.
Our ship was repaired and we were back on the water. The sea was calm but a storm was lurking.
We were both broken.
Looking at us you wouldn't see it.
For a smooth sea never made skilled sailors.
We were skilled at hiding our problems from everyone, including ourselves.
We went back to Japan this time together.
One was excited and the other was scared of rejection.
It all turned out fine in the end.
A few ups and more than a few downs.
But a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor, right?
Back to Australia we went this time with friends to guide us through the dark and offer us assistance and reassurance when we encountered rough waters.
The waves threatened to drag our ship to the bottom of the ocean by the time we returned home.
We were greeted by our cousin and aunt.
They helped us to shore multiple times in our lives but this time our cousin offered no assistance.
Our old friend helped us through many hard times and was always reliable. He never doubted us and always made sure we were well taken care of. Charles was a god send. We wouldn't be here today without him.
Our friends that came with us from Japan helped us more than we ever thought possible.
We have found that we can confide in others.
But we can't tell them everything.
They don't know as much about us as they think they do.
They don't know about the partying, the multiple suicide attempts, or the attempts to escape through other recreational methods.
The reason we are still alive is because we had each other to lean on during those times of need.
It's hard to put your trust into someone.
To trust them with you're life is one thing, to trust them with your secrets and fears is completely different.
We opened up to them, not all of them but that doesn't change the fact that we let them take a step inside. They entered a place few have ever entered.
Our lives.

We have had multiple friends, but they didn't really know anything about us.
We never let them in like we did for the members of SPR.
SPR the team that became our family, no relations by blood but still family.
Because of that...
We added a trusting sister into our family. She is always optimistic and willing to help. She has helped us stay afloat. Our trusting sister came with an unofficial brother in law, although he didn't acknowledge the fact that's what he was. He's narcissistic and rude, quite the opposite of  the girl we view as a sister.
We also added an funny older brother into our little family. He came with an official sister in law who always speaks her mind and can be quite violent with a purse, but still she cares for our little makeshift family like a mother duck.
The quiet member of our family is secretive but trustworthy. He watches out for us all, especially our narcissistic brother in law.
Out of all of them two have managed to catch our eyes.
They are perfect for us and to us in every way.
They changed us for the better.
They help guide us out of the rough seas.
When we are around them the rough seas we sail calm for a moment. That moment is worth more than anyone can imagine.
We can smile again. It's not faked or strained.
We can laugh and be ourselves.
This team, this makeshift family has no idea how far gone we were.
They brought our real family closer together and saved us.
They pulled us to shore and we have no intentions of letting them go.

We will protect our family until the day we die.
We will not let them be taken away.
We will do anything to protect the ones we love.
We are broken, but we are strong.

A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor, and these sailors are a force to be reckoned with.