Lovesick: Part 2

Not What I Wanted

(Paige P.O.V)

Stone Cold, Stone Cold
You see me standing, but I'm dying on the floor.
Stone Cold, Stone Cold
Maybe if I don't cry, I won't feel anymore.
Stone Cold, baby.
God knows I try to feel...happy for you.
Know that I am
Even if I, can't understand.
I'll take the pain, give me the truth.
Me and my heart, we'll make it through.
If happy is her, I'm happy for you.

Stone Cold, Stone Cold
You're dancing with her, while I'm staring at my phone
Stone Cold, Stone Cold
I was your amber, but now she's your shade of gold.
Stone Cold, baby.
God knows I try to feel...happy for you.
Know that I am.
Even if I, can't understand.
I'll take the pain, give me the truth.
Me and my heart, we'll make it through.
If happy is her, I'm happy for you.

Don't wanna be stone cold, stone...
I wish I could mean this but here's my goodbye, Oh..

I'm happy for you.
Know that I am.
Even if I, can't understand.
If happy is her, if happy is her.....
I'm happy for you.

Truth is, I didn't want that at all. Sure, I was angry, sure, I was mad, and sure I said I was done with Dean. But did I want to be? No. Did I need to be done with him? Maybe so. But I didn't want to. As much as I wanted to tell myself to be done with him, I couldn't. Dean and I went from strangers to coworkers, friends to best friends, then somehow, he instantly became my lover. Then he confessed the feelings he still had for Nikki, and cheated on me with her, so we broke up. Then he comes back to me, saying that he was never really over me either, I took him back, then those feelings for Nikki remained. Causing us to break up once more. That really hurt me, but while he was with Nikki, he told me that he loves me, he made love to me, and made a promise to me that we would be happy together. I wanted to believe that, so I did. But what I didn't want, was to be lied to. I never wanted to be lied to, especially not by him. After I found out that he went and got engaged to Nikki, I was so done. These past few days have been hard but I'm getting through it. Everytime I take a step forward, I take two steps back. I'm getting over him, slowly but surely. Nobody said it would be easy...

(Friday - Live Event)

I just finished up my live event match against Sasha Banks. I'm not sure what it is, but she seems to get the best of me everytime we have a match. Which means, I lost. I guess I just can't focus on my matches, I have so much on my mind right now and it's really throwing me off my game. 'Maybe because Dean's on my mind' I thought to myself. Getting over someone who you work with is NOT EASY! I avoided Dean as much as I could before and after my match. Everytime we had a show to do, it wasn't easy avoiding him but I got it done. It was much easier to ignore his calls and text messages, but ignoring him in person was much worse. I didn't want to see him but I knew I was going to eventually. I could tell because when I read his messages they would say something like: "We need to talk" or "Please just let me explain." I wasn't buying into any of that crap. I made the mistake of believing him once before, I won't. Not now, not ever. 'If you talk to him, maybe it'll clear your mind and stop saying things that you don't mean.' Sometimes I feel like I only talk like that when I get angry with him. I don't really mean it, even though I should. I should always be angry with because he always gets me all lovesick. That's not what I want.
I jumped out of my thoughts as soon as I seen him coming my way. I immediately turned and walked the other way. "Paige?...Paige! Come on, wait a sec! Please?!" He shouted after me. I rolled my eyes but eventually came to a stop. I should've kept walking away, but I just couldn't do it. I guess you can only avoid people for so long. "You actually stopped, what a surprise." He said to me as he approached me from behind. I turned to him, giving him the meanest mug I could actually do. I know I looked really angry on the outside, but inside, I was breaking down. "What do you want? You can say it now or I can just leave." "Why are you being this way?" He asked me and I just scoffed. "Why would I NOT be this way towards you? I shouldn't even be talking to you right now. You and I are done, remember?" I told him sternly. "Look, I know I messed up but..." he was saying but I cut him off. "No, no! You didn't mess up, you fucked up! Big time!" I was beginning to shout at him. I was obviously outraged. Just being around him, somewhat made my blood boil. I hated him, but I loved him so much. "Quiet down, please? I know I fucked up. I know...but please hear me out and allow me to explain." He said to me. I shook my head and crossed my arms as I glared at him. "Give me one good reason why I should let you explain anything to me. You'll probably just lie again." "Dammit Paige!" He shouted at me before lifting me up and carrying me away. I struggled against him as I eventually stopped because I knew my strength couldn't compare to his. After a minute or so, he set me down in his locker room, shut the door and locked it. I stood there, arms crossed still mean mugging him for the longest. He would probably think that my scowl was natural, only around him though. "Now look, you're gonna sit down and listen to what I have to say." Dean said. "I don't have to take this. I need to go, unlock the door." "SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND LET ME EXPLAIN, SARAYA!" He shouted at me, using my real in his sentence. Everyone knows that I prefer to be called Paige. That's how I knew he was dead serious, so I did as I was told and sat down in a chair. My mean look was gone as I was kinda scared by his yelling. I didn't mean to make him angry, not that angry. "Fine, explain." I said as he paced back and forth then stopped and looked at me dead in the eyes. "Yeah, I got engaged to Nikki.... but I didn't want to..."

To be Continued...