ASHLIN’S POV
The boys stayed for a little longer after Niall’s comment. I knew it wasn’t true, he was just trying to make me feel better. Quinn had also stayed until about 11 before she had to go. We had a beautiful goodbye. She couldn’t come in the morning because she had things to do. God only knows how long I will see her. Niall and the boys will be meeting me in Boston where my treatment center was. It was about 8 and it was time to go. I left the room without giving it a look. I knew I would be back here. But next time dead.
We walk out the car and we hop in and drive off. I don’t want to see my neighborhood ever again. I stared out the windows wondering when we will be there. But I didn’t dare to say anything to my mother. I hope she gets a happy life. I know I won’t. About an hour and fifteen minutes later we arrive. My mother looks at me and I stare at her.
“You ready?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” I mutter and get out of the car. We walk and she tries to make conversation.
“I’ll miss you.” She says. Lies.
“No you won’t.”
“Yes I will.”
“Probably not.”
“Please don’t say that. You know I will.”
“I really doubt that.” I walk faster and into the center. It smells homey and fresh. Maybe I will start new here. And never make friends or anything. You know, the normal me. Anti-social but nice in a certain way.
I walk up to the front desk and wait for my mother to catch up. She jogs and rests her hands on top of the desk. The car keys are still in her hand. I bet she can’t wait to get out of here. God only knows how long and I’ll get out of here. I hope soon. I want to get better, I just don’t know how to. I don’t know if I will be able to. I don’t if I’ll be able to do anything.
“Hi! Sign in or were you already here before for visiting?” The front desk lady asks the two of us.
“I’m coming here for the first time.” I say barely audible.
“Yes, you must be Ashlin. Welcome. We hope you get better and have a new start.”
“Yeah me too.” I say sarcastically.
“That’s the spirit! Great job.” I guess she didn’t catch my sarcasm.
“Yeah, I’m waiting to say goodbye for someone before I get locked up for life. Where should I wait?” I ask completely serious.
“You’re going to be a tough cookie to break aren’t you?” She asks way too perky.
“Yeah, I don’t give a fuck what you’re saying to be honest.” I say looking around. Everyone in the lobby was looking at me. I guess I made a great first impression.
“I apologize for her behavior!” My mother quickly says.
“She’ll get better, I promise.” The lady says back to her.
“I’m right fucking here. God Dammit, if you’re going to talk about me then make it quieter. You guys are loud as shit. And stop talking about me like I have a mental issue. I’m fucked up in the head. I have depression not Autism.” I say as nice as possible. I love autistic kids. They’re so cute and I love playing with them. (A/N I really do! Trust me I’m not making fun of them.) It was just the first thing that came to my brain.
I start to walk around and it slowly turns into a pace. Since I still had my phone I looked at the time. It was 9:23. He was supposed to meet me here 20 minutes ago. Maybe he wasn’t going to come. Maybe I had been wrong about him. Maybe I was wrong about everything. Maybe my life is wrong. Yeah, that was the one.
I pace around the place a couple more times. It was 9:40. Almost an hour late. Maybe he was just bad with time. I keep thinking he’ll be here but I know he won’t. I mean who would want to see me in this kind of state? I mean if Quinn had this happening to her I don’t know if I could handle it. I mean I don’t think that any person could.
I took a seat in the lobby and tried to sit still for about 10 minutes. I did stop moving for about 30 seconds but when it got up there I jump out and start to stretch. I take a seat again and sit there for about five minutes. By the time the time was over it was 10:00. Between all the stretching and sitting and standing up and moving, 20 minutes had past.
I think of my choices. Wait here and get to say goodbye to him or leave to go to my room and probably never see him again. I think and think and I’m torn. I look at my mom and the front lady. They both have a sincere look on their faces. I think they’re trying to tell me that he isn’t going to come. They are probably right. I take one last look at the door and make sure no cars have come up and dropped people off. But I’m disappointed. I walk over to them and do a soft smile.
“Hey, I think it’s time to go.” I say to them. It was deathly quiet since all eyes on me.
“You’ll see him again. I promise. He’s allowed to visit once a week.” The front desk lady says with a warm smile.
“I really doubt that he’ll be here once a week.” I knew it was true.
“Why is that sweetheart?” She asks.
“He’s famous.” I say looking away.
“Oh. Sweetheart, there will be others.”
“I thought he was the one.” I say about to break into tears.
“Well how about we go get you settled in and mom follow us. Also, trust me, you’ll forget about him in no time.” She says.
“Yeah, let’s go do that.” I say quietly.
She walks from behind the desk and towards a door in the back. She was in the door and so was my mother. I was about to walk in and I hear my name.
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Hey guys! I’m updating now because I’m going into school late. My knees are screwed up so I have get them checked out! That’s it for today!
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Only 1 chapter and an epilogue left
Edited- December 22nd, 2013
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Little Secret (One Direction/Niall Horan)
FanfictionAshlin. Ashlin Elizabeth Carsey. I'm different... do want know about me? Well, in that case, I'll tell you a little secret. I'm addicted. Not to alcohol or drugs, but to cutting my wrists. I'm a 'happy' girl, just a little 'tired' that is. My...
