Based off that cuteass buzzfeed video that got me all the way fucked up.
**********
"Hey, Scott? You're acting different...is there anything you wanna tell me?" Mitch asked me. I turned to face him and opened my mouth to speak.
Maybe I could tell him. Maybe I could just say "I'm in love with you." Maybe he would say it back. Maybe he could know that my heart burns at the thought of him and my mind spins ten miles a minutes when he smiles at me; how every time he holds my hand I feel a shockwave throughout my entire body.
Maybe we would date and get married, grow old together. Maybe we'd be that couple that couldn't even tell an old story because we'd be laughing too much to get the words out. Maybe we would have two adopted children named Elezra and Winter and they'd be super badass kids.
Maybe we could hold hands...just because. Maybe I could say "hey, I'm shopping for my boyfriend-" instead of "hey, I'm shopping for my best friend..."
Maybe we could post annoying photos of his doing basic straight couple photos everyday on instagram with the caption: "ill love you, forever." Or put our anniversary date in our bios on social media. Maybe he could just lay on me with his arms wrapped around me and mine wrapped around him for hours just...talking.
Maybe we could be together...
Or maybe ill never tell him. Maybe he's not the one, perhaps ill get married to a guy that's nothing like Mitch. And maybe he'll get married to a guy just like him. Maybe we can't be anything except for best friends because that's what we are and what we've always been...Maybe that's how it's supposed to be.
Maybe ill live with Mitch and both of us will never get married. Well just be "married best friends."
Or maybe I could live in pain if he finds his soul mate. Maybe I can get used to dreading waking up without him next to me, maybe I can get used to my loveliness head and be better on my own...Maybe ill just live as Eponine my entire life. Maybe I can be an independent black women who doesn't need no Mitch...
Or maybe he will hate me for loving him...love loving him, not just "omg girl, I loves you" but a "I am so incredibly in love with you. Every fiber in my body revolves around your happiness and wellbeing." Kind of love...
I turned to face him and opened my mouth to speak.
"I'm in..." he nodded slowly for me to continue. I felt tiredness and humiliation overflow my body. He furrowed his eyebrows...his perfect eyebrows...
"I'm in a funk...I'm just a little tired." I quickly said, hating myself for messing up yet another opportunity to release my painful mind and affection for him.
Although, he seemed unconvinced. Because he knows me so well...he always has... "Are you sure that's all?" He asked as he stepped forward, which definitely didn't help me.
"Mitch, I'm..." I stopped again, he groaned annoying, something I randomly loved.
This was it. I was going to tell him, I was going to hate myself seconds afterwords and think it was a mistake. But this is my fate. My life has been leading up to this point in time, these five words will be my future, or my regret.
"Just tell me so I can make you feel better again." He said impatiently...I'm in love with him. I am in love with him. I will always be in love with him...
"I'm in love with you." I said.
I said it. After nine years a painful secrets, tossing and turning, so many things I wanted to say...so many things I wanted him to know, it was all over. The words he will say next will either complete me or destroy me.
I read his reaction the best I could. I tightened my muscles as my entire body tensed, I sucked in my lips, I instantly regretted ever speaking. Because now my entire existence is held in his hand.
He looked at me with a small smile and gave a laugh.
But his smile soon faded and his eyes widened when he noticed my serious expression.
"Wait, what?"
***
