Dan and Phil Imagines and One Shots

Heavy Rain (Phil Lester)

Day 367 - 116.84 cm of rain

Dan and I are walking into a tattoo parlor, not giving a damn about how much the rain is drenching us. We didn't have an umbrellas, but that was ok. "Hey guys, what are we getting done today?" Kelly, our tattoo artist greeted us. 

"We're getting dates, something simple." I said, taking off my jacket. Dan took mine and took his off as well. 

"Yep, January 30th, 1987 - October 16th, 2017." Dan said, somberly.

 I felt the worst for him. It has bee a year and 2 days since Phil passed away. Without the sunshine, it's only been raining. Phil seemed like the happiest person right? Wrong. He struggled with depression and body image issues. There was a moment where he stopped tweeting for a while. He was in rehab for a suicide attempt that he refused to tell everyone. He was mute during that time and all he could hear was me and Dan constantly trying to tell him that he was worth it. That millions of people themselves depended on him to be ok. We didn't realize that we reversed everything we'd tried to work for. On September 16th, Phil wrote his note, preparing for the end:

To whoever is reading this,

          You have either found me dead or on my way to death. I am so deeply sorry for what's about to happen to you, not so much me. For years now, I have had dealt with self abuse, and that is one abuse you cannot, no matter how hard you try, escape from. I tried so hard to be ok for everyone... Except for me. I was never proud of my body, a literal frump. I hate everything about me. No one should have to deal with me and that is what I am going to do. But I have some call outs, before I go.

Y/N, you're my best friend, and I can't believe that I am leaving you and Dan behind. Make good choices. Don't stay with Brad, he'll hurt you. If anything, be with Dan. He's not going to be ok with this, whatsoever, and I know how much I'm hurting him. I need you to keep him safe. I need you to help him. I need you to save him.

Dan, I hate to leave you most of all. We've been here for each other for years, and found a way to love each other. You are my soulmate in every way possible. I wasn't the one for you, I knew my time was dwindling down before I realized I loved you. I wanted your love to save me. But my heart just didn't want to latch on to ride out the storm. I love you so much, Dan and I'm sorry I couldn't grow old with you.  I'll be waiting on the other side for you, but don't rush.

To all of the lovely people that never knew, I love you so much. Don't look at my videos and cry that I'm not here. Smile at the moments we had together. Love all the quirky moments and idiotic memories. Just do anything except cry. 

I'm so sorry,
    Philip Michael Lester, September 16th, 2017

He thought that was the end. Dan and I walked in on him, gun in hand. "Whoa! Oh my God! Phil!" yelled. Dan couldn't do anything. He was frozen, staring at the man he loved holding a fucking gun to his head. "Phil... Put the gun down..." I said. 

Phil cried out, screaming. "No! I'm not going through one more goddamn rehab treatment! I'm not going to the hospital! I'm not fucking crazy, I'm fucking dead!" He cried, never letting go of the gun. 

I didn't know how to talk him down. He was going to do it, whether we watched or not. Dan took slow steps toward him. "If you're going... Take me with you, damn it. Don't be completely selfish, please take me." Tears fell down his face, Phil reached and wiped them away.

"I love you too much to kill you, Dan." Phil whispered. 

Dan shook his head. "You're killing me either way, why torturously kill me?" Phil didn't say anything, he just pulled Dan into a kiss. 

"I am so sorry that you have to see this..." He said, cocking the hammer back. I couldn't save the both of them without killing myself either. I grabbed Dan, my arms wrapped and locked around his waist, pulling him back. A shot rang out.

Dan screamed. "No! Oh my fucking God!" I tried holding onto him but he got out, running to Phil. Kneeling down, he grabbed the gun, holding it to his own head. I grabbed my phone, calling the police. I heard the trigger click, but nothing coming out. "Goddamn it!" Dan screamed dropping the gun again. Phil only had one bullet. Dan held pressure on Phil's head, laying his head on his chest. "Oh my God, h-he still has a pulse!" Dan couldn't stop crying and screaming at Phil's body, "Please baby, no don't you fucking leave me!" He straddled him to get a better angle at holding pressure. "Don't. Fucking. Die on me!" Within moments, the ambulance had all three of us in the hospital.

Phil was brain dead on site, but Dan refused to believe it. Dan wanted so desperately to keep hope that he could be alive. So, I made the decision to keep Phil on life support for a month and that way I could talk Dan through the grieving process. On October 16th, Dan was now fully aware that Phil was gone, and that there was no way he'd be able to come back. "Phil... Why'd you leaving standing alone in this world so cold?" He whimpered, holding on to Phil's hand. "I wanted to marry you... My best friend. I wanted to have a family with you, die together... You were only 30 years old, how could you just leave me like that? I still love you, so much... I'll help put you out of your misery... But I'll never be the same." Dan gave Phil one final kiss.

The doctor stood by, waiting for Dan's signal. Once Dan gave it to her, I sat next to Dan, holding his hand on top of Phil's. "Once I turn this machine off, his heart rate will fall, sounding the alarm, I can turn that off. His breathing will slow, the minimal bran activity will cease and he will slip away. It can take seconds, minutes or hours." We nodded, listening to everything the doctor said. She turned the machine off, tears cascading down our faces. The alarm sounded and she turned it off. She left us alone with Phil until the flatline sounded on the monitor which surprisingly took a few hours. Dan leaned into me and cried. In my pocket, I had Phil's ring that he'd bought for Dan. He didn't think it was fair to propose, to promise Dan a lifetime together when he wouldn't have gotten it. 

I took the ring out, slipping it on his finger. Dan looked at his hand, then up at me. "He wanted a life with you too... He just couldn't live half alive." I whispered. "I'll be your spouse. You will not fall into the hands of someone who will just prey on your soul. I've got you. I'm not letting go."

It had been raining ever since that day. The sun set forever, and it couldn't come back out to stop the rain. A year later, we're getting tattoos of that date written across our chests. The needle seared pain into the skin that lie there, but neither of us moved an inch. It was nothing compared to the pain of that day. 

Once we were done, Dan and I went to get legally married. We got the tattoos first to remember that the only person Dan belonged to was Phil. That his heart laid in that grave with Phil, that we weren't in love, not like they were. We had to remember that, or we wouldn't have survived anything else.