Phil has a girlfriend who has so many mental problems. He gives up on her, leaving her to figure it out alone.
I sat on the couch next to my boyfriend. I started out talking about my day. "S-So I only had 3 breakdowns today..." He groaned, obviously upset with that. "Th-that's actually not bad, ok? A-And I ate twice so far." I reached for his hand when he violently shook me off.
"Look, Y/N... I-I can't do this anymore." Phil said. I looked at him, breaking at the sound of his voice. "You need help. I am not a fucking therapist and I can't fucking help you."
I shook my head. "N-No. I can change, I swear I can... Please don't leave me." I whispered, standing up. I held onto him but he just pushed me away. "Please, no I-I'll stop talking about my day. W-We can have sex more, whatever you want."
Phil scoffed, taking my hands off of him. "You are so fucking desperate, it's gross." I whimpered, dropping my hands. "I've got someone else waiting for me. Someone who has their shit together up here." He tapped on his head, walking out. I screamed for him, but he just slammed the door.
A few weeks later, my best friend Dan came over. He was the best guy friend anyone needed. If you need the straight man opinion, he had it. If you needed the gay man opinion, he had it. He was amazing at listening. Right now, I needed his bisexuality to kick in, letting the gayer side speak. "Let me get this shit straight..." He said. "You have mental illnesses and he walked away from you? That son of a bitch. You can not go back to him like you've tried to before." I was ignoring him, playing on my phone. "Y/N." He called.
I looked up temporarily, my hands still going at my game. "I'm here."
"Give me your phone," He sighed exasperated with me. I tapped it once more, pulling it closer to me as I dimmed the screen. "Give me, your goddamn phone." He repeated in a more stern voice. I groaned, tossing it to him. He turned it on, entering my password. He read out what I said was my game. "I miss you so much, I'm going to therapy for you, I'm learning how to please you, I'm learning how to love myself so you can love me too. Please, I'm begging you to come back to me?" He asked, setting my phone down in his lap. "Are you absolutely fucking mental?"
I looked at him, tears springing to my eyes. "You know I am..." I mumbled, rubbing my eyes before pinching my bridge in between.
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that." Dan sighed. My phone rang out with a text notification. I reached to grab my phone back, but Dan just pushed my arm down. "I fucking told you to stop messaging me you desperate whore. You need to leave me alone, I've got a girlfriend that isn't you. Stop calling me and texting me and trying to see me. Get it through your head, I don't want you. If you call or text me one more time I'm calling the cops and having you put up in an insane asylum where you fucking belong. Get the fuck out of my life. Jump off a cliff and go to hell for all I care, just get the fuck off of my ass." Dan turned off my phone screen, throwing my phone onto the bed again. I just sat and stared down in shock, my breathing becoming shallow. "Is this still your dream man, babe?" Dan placed his hand on mine. "Honey, he isn't worth it... This is not worth it."
I snapped my head up to look at Dan. "Have you ever been in love?" I asked almost silently.
"Yes," Dan nodded, "Yeah I have."
I nodded. "Then you know all the sacrifices you're willing to make to please that person, I assume."
"Yes." Dan reiterated. "I'm still in love. They just don't see it yet. I can treat them better than their current love can, and I know it."
I looked away, sinking down into bed. "I'll do anything to make him come back to me, Dan..." Dan sighed, standing up to kiss my forehead
"I'll see you tomorrow." He said. "And I'm checking your phone again." I nodded, giving him the key I'd given him a while back. As I heard the front door shut and lock, I looked around my room. Pills? Maybe one isn't enough. Maybe I need more to feel better. Razors? Maybe I need to shave. I grabbed both of them, breaking the razors. I took my entire bottle of anti-depressants without looking back, swiping at my arms quickly. I jumped back into bed waiting for this to end. As I closed my eyes, I whispered to myself. "Anything to make you happy, Phil..." I drifted off in and out of unconsciousness.
I was on a bout of consciousness when I heard my door open again, "Y/N, I left my wall-" Dan froze, staring at my comforter. Blood began to leak through and I was pale, sweating profusely. "Oh my God, Y/N!" Dan called 999 and put them on speaker as he pulled me out of bed.
Suddenly, a burst of energy came through me and I screamed at him. "No! L-Let me go!" The operator picked up. "Let me die, goddamn it!" I cried out. Dan held my upper arms tightly, leaning over, keeping me from kicking and fighting back. He couldn't stop my screaming.
"Police, Ambulance!" Dan yelled from across the room answering all of the questions. "M-My friend! She's trying to kill herself!" I kept screaming trying to get away from him. "529 Emerson Drive." He said, giving up the address. "She's mentally unstable. Depression, anxiety, eating disorders, prone to mental breakdowns. I'm holding onto her now, that's why she's screaming." I cried, collapsing under Dan. He fell with me, sitting on his knees, pulling me to him. "We fell right now. I just came in after I left my wallet here, the front door is open. We're in the bedroom." He began rocking with me as I sobbed, trying to calm down. By the time someone came in, I had drifted back into unconsciousness.
I woke up to bright hospital lights, my arms bandaged, my feeding tube in my stomach and IVs hooked up all over my body. "W-Wha?" I tried to speak but I couldn't, I was simply too weak. Dan was sat by my bedside, holding my hand.
"Hey..." He smiled, trying hard to hide his fear. "Hey you. You're going to be a little bit weak, but, you're alive. Last week, you tried to kill yourself. Luckily, I left my wallet in your room and came back to get it." He tried to make me feel better. I didn't know what to say. "I mean... That day, I thought I'd lose my best friend. But no, you're here." I was staring straight ahead, holding onto Dan's hand. I squeezed it tightly as I tried to speak. "Y/N?" He asked, concerned.
"F-" I whispered. I worked extra hard to concentrate on my words. "Fu- Fuck..." I mumbled. Dan furrowed his eyebrows in worry, leaning closer. "F-Fuck Phil..." I whispered, taking a deep breath as a sigh of relief. Dan smiled, chuckling slightly. I looked at him again, straining again to speak again. "A-Ar-Are you st-still in l-love, Dan?"
Dan leaned up and kissed me. "More than I have been for the past 5 years." I smiled softly, grabbing onto him tighter.
I wasn't going to fix me for Phil. I was going to fix me for me... and Dan. For us.
YOU ARE READING
Dan and Phil Imagines and One Shots
FanfictionImagines about Dan Howell, Phil Lester or Phan. There will be no FIC stories in here ok? I think the Phandom has been scarred enough. Update: There is one. OOPS. **As of April 30th, 2017 this book has been placed on an official hiatus, indefin...