Dan and Phil Imagines and One Shots

Little Do You Know How Funny Life Goes Around - Dan Howell

(Part 3 of this little Danfic :) 

Part 1: Change - Dan Howell
Part 2: Closer to the End of This Waiting Game

Another fiction where I listened to two songs for inspiration:
Little Do You Know by Alex and Sierra (Nightcore)
Ain't It Funny How Life Goes Around by Tyler Perry, sung by Marva King

Triggering along with the first two)

It's been three weeks that I've been back for Dan. I got him into therapy, I watched over him, I talked to Phil for him. He was very dependent, still very depressed. I tried to forgive him so he wouldn't have to feel so guilty all the time, but maybe I wasn't convincing. One day, I hit him too hard, pushing him further down the hole I was trying to pull him out of.

I woke up, getting up from Phil's old bed, to check on Dan. I hadn't checked on myself in the longest, forgetting to take my own medicine for days at a time. I walked down the hall, turning to Dan's room. I knocked, opening the door slightly. Dan looked like he hadn't even seen the inside of his eyelids all night. "Hey, Dan..." I smiled, trying to hide my actual mood. "Time to get up." Dan just stared at me, eyes red and heavy. I sighed, walking in. "Come on. It's almost 9, we have to get downtown to your therapy appointment at 10:30, get up." 

Dan shook his head, tears falling. "I-I don't want to go today." His pitiful "I don't deserve your help" tone was pissing me off so much at this point. 

"Dan, for fuck's sake, get your ass up!" I rose my voice. He didn't move a single muscle. "I don't understand why you're so ripped up inside, I was the one who got broken beyond recognition. I was the one who didn't do anything but cry at night when I went home." I laughed, running my fingers through my hair. "You just went and shot up, I laid in bed, crying my eyes out. The only thing that fixed me was Serena and I fucking left her to help your pathetic ass."

Dan was taken aback, trying to form a sentence. "I-I'm sorry..." He mumbled.

I shook my head. "The same woman you mistreated is your everything now." I turned to go to Phil's room, grabbing a picture of the three of us. "This girl right here, who was so loved by her best guy friend, hated by her lover, is your everything now. Do you realize how much I actually do for you? You do not do shit and do you want to know why?" Dan went quiet again, tears pouring out as I continued to rant and rave on. "Because I fucking love you. I fucking love you, Daniel James Howell, but you don't love me. Hell, you don't even love yourself. You won't get your ass up and come with me to this therapy appointment, which is now an hour away. How the fuck can you say you love me if you don't even fucking love yourself? Help me help you!" I was yelling by this point, but I wasn't angry. "If you can't help me help you, then you can learn how to help yourself without me."

With that, I left his room, going back to bed. I just curled up in bed and began crying again. I knew what I'd just done and the words were out in the air now, I couldn't pull them back. I heard Dan open his door and come out in the hallway, sighing softly, before sobbing. I kept quiet to see if I heard where he was going. He went into the lounge and grabbed his video equipment, pulling it to his room. After 10 minutes of setting up, I heard him begin to talk.

"Hello internet." He spoke softly. "It's been a while, about five months. I've been tweeting, but no videos. There's an explanation for that. As you know, four years ago, Y/N and I broke up. Then, for two years, Phil and I dated. You guys, tried to defend me, but sent hate to both of them. I was the reason it didn't work out, with either of them. I was addicted to the powerful feeling instead of actual love. To say I was just hurting them is an understatement. I had been abusing them. Basically saying that they were worthless and no one would want them. I ruined them, and afterward, I paid the price."