Fractured Souls

Broken Things

Dean's POV

This room looked like the president's office, just without the American flags and more books. Ava was standing with her back to me leaning over the desk. I thought she didn't hear me come in but I was wrong. 

"Hello, Dean." The monotone sound in her voice scared me. 

This isn't her. Her usual cheerful tone was nowhere in sight, but the tone did sound so familiar.

I walked over to her and grabbed her shoulder. She turned around. Every emotion I've ever felt came across my face when I looked her in the eyes. 

Dead. She looked dead. I recognized the look all too well. That's the look I used to have around dad... 

Looking like a Good. Little. Solider.

"No, no, no." I rambled. 

"Ava, please don't. Don't shut down. It won't help, please Ava." 

I won't let this happen to her too. The empty feeling you get when you shut down like that is awful. I don't want her to go through that. 

"I'm fine Dean. I don't understand what you're so worried about." Her voice... 

It was heartbreaking to listen to.

"I know it's hard. You've lost Lucifer and you have a big responsibility now. I understand that, but don't make the same mistakes that I did." I pleaded. 

Her eyes followed me closely. Not one emotion showed on her face.

I looked her deeply in the eyes, kissed her temple, and hugged her tight. Placing a hand on her head, pushing it softly into my shoulder. Feel something, please.

She didn't hug back. She didn't even move. I really thought it would work. I thought we had a deeper connection than this. She slowly pushed me away. 

"Why... Why did you...?" She knotted her fist and weakly pounded me on the chest. 

"I...I don't... I don't want this Dean. It's too much." She whimpered. 

I wish I could take it all away. Make her feel good again.

"You may have given me the freedom to choose. Not having to keep living the hunter life, but there is one thing I'll never let go of, one thing I would never choose to forget and that's you. Whatever happens, I will always be there for you." I told her truthfully in a soft voice. 

She gave me a weak smile.

"Dean we don't have a future together. You're human. You'll die and you'll know what I'll be? I'll be heartbroken. It's easier to distance myself from you and Sam." She sniffled. 

"Hell, I have to distance myself from everyone. The only ones that won't die on me are the angels and the demon... and even they can be killed..."

"It will make it easier for me to get through this. Not loving anyone will make it easier, no weaknesses. It is easier to be fair when you don't make favorites. You saw how that went with Chuck." Her eyes went hard and cold as she spoke. 

She seemed so convinced that she was making the right choice. All I could do was stand by and watch her crumble from one wrong decision.