Promise I Will

14

I awake in a panic. The dream was so real.

I was engulfed by darkness and I voices were yelling. Not just yelling at anything, they were yelling at me and about me.

Fucking loser!

Why is she so ugly?

I hope she kills herself.

Die in a hole!

I shake my head in an attempt to shake them away, but it doesn't work. My body trembles and I struggle to keep my legs standing. My hands rush to my face and cover my eyes and I sink to my knees. The words make a home in my head.

You're such a creep!

Why were you even born?

What an embarrassment!

The more I hear them, the more I start to believe them. Above all the yelling hate, I hear footsteps beside me. I build up the courage. This can't be any worse. My eyes are bloodshot, and my cheeks are tear stained. Eventually I feel them kneel beside me and I raise my head.

My brown eyes meet Carson's blue ones. His smile flattens into a hard line and he rises from his position.

"What was I thinking?" He asks aloud.

My heart sinks and I feel weak. I feel like I was just smacked in the face. I feel like I was thrown into a lion's cage. I feel vulnerable. And I hate it.

He starts to descend backwards, keeping his eyes on mine. My heart is smashed into a million pieces.

I don't care if he didn't really care. I just want him to stay. I want him to stay and lie to me, and tell me I'm worth the fight, I'm not worth the amount of hate. I want him to lie and say I'm worth him giving his life. I don't care!

He promised. I watch him as he starts to fade and my body shakes.

"No!" I scream out.

My sudden wake startles me and I'm welcomed with the ache of my body and the sweat that was created in my slumber. My eyes meet the nurse's green ones and she sighs. She looks exhausted. She looks in her mid 50's, with grey hair and wrinkled features. I watch as she leaves my assigned room.

My heart pounds and my breathing is unsteady. I shake with anxiety. I remember the paper on my table and reach over to the side of the bed. I whimper aloud when I remember this is the side with the worst bruises.

I ignore pain and extend my arm out to the bedside table, reaching over the bar meant to keep my body on the bed in my sleep.

My fingers touch the crinkled paper and I grab a hold of it. I unfold it and look it over. It's the paper Carson gave to me before I went into surgery last night. He told me it's something I should keep as a reminder.

I smooth out the paper once I unfold it and sigh with content. The words were written in pen and there were only a few of them written.

It reads:

I promised and promise I will.

My heart beats at least a million times,

Whenever you cross my mind.

You've got a special way with me,

You make me believe,

And I promise I'll never let you down.