Promise I Will

31

Tying up the white laces to my sneakers, I'm in a rush to get outside. When I opened that text, I could feel my heart stop in fear. And a number of negative questions start to run through my mind.

What if this was some kind of joke? What if this was finally when he drops me? But then my heart starts to pound. And the positive thoughts start to fumble their way inside. What if he spills his feelings for me? What if he kisses me again?

What if... What if.... What if...

Stop...Anna, breath and clam down.

My heart slows to a steady beat and my steps follow suit when I spot the playground. I'm still a block away, but it was only a quick glance before I spotted the blonde headed boy sitting on the bench in front of the structure for little kids. His head was bowed and rested on his hands, which made his elbows rest on his knees.

"Hey, Stranger." I pondered with the words due to the fact that he had been practically ignoring me all week. I sit beside him and set my hands in my lap and cross my ankle elegantly.

"Hi." he breathes out the word like he was anxious about the situation.

The air is cold, giving our cheeks a pink glow. We sit in silence for a few moments, no words being exchanged. I was freaking out. So many things running through my mind in just the matter of the few seconds of sitting down and the silent exchange.

What if he rejects me? What is there to reject, dumb ass?

Well, there is the fact of friendship... Or even the fact that you have a bit of feeling left and he squashes that little bit might kill you...

Shut up!

My inner self was having a battle. I could only just imagine the faces that I was probably making while having the unspoken argument in my head. I shift my gaze up to from the ground to Carson and I catch his own falling on me.

"What are you thinking?" Carson's voice held something of security, but the blanket isn't close enough for me to reach just yet. I feel my foot slip off of my other one and I have a moment of unbalance, as I do often. I steady myself and breath in a sigh.

I giggle to myself lightly, thinking about how much of a klutz I was. I hadn't even noticed that Carson was waiting for me to answer. I was so caught up in my own world of confusion and loserness that I completely forgot he was even there.

"Anyone there?" He asks while clearing his voice.

"Huh?" I shoot my gaze up to his with wide eyes and scrunched brows.

"You're so cute..." He lets out a small chuckle to himself, making my chest tighten. "What were you thinking about?"

I make a face of thought and turn to look in front of me. "You," I tell him honestly.

"Me?"

"Yes... You."

"Why were you thinking about me?" He says again. I was still facing in front of me so I couldn't see his facial expressions. Though I wish I could have seen the face he made when I told him I was thinking of him. I don't know how I would handle looking at him at the moment though. So, I keep my eyes trained on the structure in front of us.

"Why you called me here... Why you were not at school... Why you hate me... Why we kissed twice... Why I feel the way I do..." I could feel my heart pounding in anticipation of his response.

"Oh." He finally says after what feels like an eternity.

"Oh? That's it?" I scoff, feeling bolder than I did just moments ago.

"Yeah. Oh. I mean... I was thinking the same thing..."

"And?" I urged.

"And... What?"

"And... What do we do now?" I say slowly with a heavy exaggerated sigh.

"And... I don't know."

"How bout we start with why you have been avoiding me all day and what the sudden urge to talk to me was all about?" I say trying to make sense of this whole situation. I was being very blunt.

When did this start? Maybe when you got frustrated because he didn't react to what you said to him...

Shut up.

"I don't know. After the whole kiss thing I – and then I realized that I – I don't know."

"What?" Slightly confused by his words. I hated when I didn't understand people. It was my only strength, and when I had trouble with that, it just made things harder than they already are.

"I'm not good with my words... I don't know..." he hangs his head with his cheeks pushed the palms of his hands, leaning his elbows onto his knees.

"Wow... I'm good with my words, and you aren't. What a pair we are, huh?" I hiccupped on my last words, making me laugh harder than intentioned. Beside me a laugh erupted from Carson making me smile harder.

We calmed down for a moment and then there was silence. No words exchanged, just a comfortable silence.

"So, what now?" he spoke into the cold night air.

I shrugged beside him and turned to face him, seeing his face was turned to face me as well. I could see a sparkle twinkle in his eye, giving me goose bumps that were thankfully hidden by my red coat.

"I-" He started but stopped. "Anna... I- I really like you and I'm scared."

I felt my breath hitch in my throat but managed to spit out the words, "me too."

We stared at each other, our eyes, both glinting in the thought of one another. Or at least I hope we were both thinking the same thing. Well, not the same thing because we have different body parts but...

Shh.

Carson slowly started to minimize the space between us, and I could feel my heart beat slow to an unsteady beat. My breathing faltered and it was hot and heavy. "Can I kiss you?" He whispered once our faces were inches apart.

And before I knew it, we were in a slow-motion movie and I could feel every ounce of wellbeing washed away as my shoulders shrugged and our lips collided.