Promise I Will

25

Dear diary,

Confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not understood. -Henry Miller

I stare down at my book. The papers lined with ink and black scribbles we call letters and words. I fold it to close it and look around my room with a weighed star.

What am I looking for? I'm not sure.

Then I saw it. The big furry stuffy. It was a golden bear with a square cushion in its hands. The cushion had words spelling out its name. I choose the one named, Oboo.

Carson had asked me why I choose that one, but I didn't have an answer. I did, but I didn't. I lose it because it was the only one named Oboo and it was original and different. I felt that the bear was kind of like me. Different.

I picked the stuffed bear up and held it in my hands as I walked towards my bed. As I laid down on my bed next to my book of thoughts – considered and diary – and wrapped my arms around Oboo.

I sat in my jumbled thoughts and sighed.

What happened? Did we really kiss?

I shook my head and felt the heat forming behind my eyes. I didn't know what to do. I was so confused. Carson helped me in a way I could never repay him. He's broke down walls that would have stayed up forever, and even shared things that I never would have imagined with me.

Why was I so worked up about this?

A tear slipped out and ran down my temple and into my blanket. I closed my eyes and blew out hot air. I felt myself become heavy and my body sinks into my mattress.

* * *

"Rise a shine darling! You're going to be late for school if you don't get up-and-adam." My mother's voice cooed as she rips the curtains open.

The light seeps in through the window and pains my waking eyes. I blink and rub my eyes slowly making my way out from under my covers.

"Morning mother." I speak and I saunter over to my dresser, pulling out some clean clothing.

"Breakfast is ready. Come down and grab a bite before you off." She plasters on a forced smile and beelines it for the door.

Once the door shuts, I quickly change into the white T-shirt and blue jeans in record speed. I rush around for my shoes and jacket that lay in their place on the floor from last night. I walk down the stairs and place my shoes by the door and hang my jacket on the railing for quick access.

As I take a deep inhaled breath, I smell the pancakes that were freshly made. My stomach growl at the enchanted smell and I make a beeline to the kitchen where the smell originated.

"Yum." I hum as I spot the plate made on the table that awaited me.

"Don't take too long you're running a bit late, but also don't choke." My mother's voice says. I see her dressed in a gray suit. She grabs we bag from the counter beside me and turns to face me.

"Have a good day at school. It's my first day, wish me luck." She gives me check a quick kiss and rushes past me to leave.

Wish me luck. I chuckle at the thought of her needing my luck.

* * *

The cold air slapped my face in force as I walked on the white pavement. I come across a patch that was drawn on with chalk. It was a smiling sun. I wish I was a sun. I would always be happy like that.

* * *

I walk into the halls and make my way to my locker. The green metal was dark and scratched up. It was old and you could say so.

I took out my history binder and grabbed the textbook as well, not forgetting my pencil. As I shut the locker door, I jumped in fright when I saw the golden-haired boy smiling towards me.

"Sorry, didn't Mean to scare you." He spoke through a charming chuckle.

"Who are you?" My brows furrowed.

"Forgot me already? I'm Wyatt." The name rings a bell in my head.

"Oh yeah. Hi." I smile. "What brings you to my locker?" I question.

"Carson told us boys to keep an eye on you, we'll all have a shift. I happen to have a first period with you." I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion.

Shifts? Other boys?

"Shifts?" I repeat aloud this time. "Other boys?"

"Oh, that's right, you don't know the others. Well, you will soon." He starts to walk forward, and I stay standing in place.

"We come on don't want to be late for history, do we?"

"You she my answered my questions and how so you know I have a history?" I ask still not understanding the situation.

"You're holding history stuff, so I figured... And I was going to answer your dying questions on the way."

I debate agreeing, but I realized I needed to get to class either way, and I rather do that with someone rather than alone anyways. I didn't want a chance of being seen alone and vulnerable.

"You have some answering to do." I say moving my feet till I was in Sync with the golden-haired boy on my right.