Promise I Will

19

Carson walked me down the hall with a smirk plastered on his face. It must have been a good talk if he was so happy. The corners of his mouth raised high on his cheeks and his eyes flickered with joy.

I wondered what had happened.

I had asked Carson briefly about it, but he wouldn't say a thing. We walked silently down the hall and around the corners till we came to the classroom door. Big brown and shiny, the door ready to take me to hell.

We walked in together and I walked towards the back. Carson followed behind me but taking a detour to our seats when he handed the teacher our late slips. Walking around each desk with such bounce to his step.

He was overly excited. It scared me.

It must have been one exciting talk, he had with Mr. Anderson. I could barely look at him without freezing up. He was intimidating. He dressed so proper and high class.

"Have a seat, Mr. Davis." Mr. Chance says to Carson, his voice filled of a nasal sound. It's the kind of voice that drives you up the wall and want to shove your pencils in your ears.

Carson saunters over with such grace. His smile still laid out on his face, and his eyes glittering, like water does in the sun.

Each step holds a bounce, and I'm still not sure why. He takes a seat graciously next to me and takes hold of his lip with his teeth. "This is going to be great." He states.

I'm not sure why, and frankly, I'm not sure I want to know. I just let it slide and pull my attention to Mr. Chance.

"Like I was about to say, open up your books. Finish this sheet," He pauses, picking up a pile of sheets from his desk. "All answers should be on pages two fifty-nine to two seventy."

I inwardly groan, History was one of my worst subjects. It was boring and didn't interest me at all. It went in one ear and out the other. I like to express myself in creative ways. I guess that's why I loved English and Art so much. Most teenage girls are.

But I'm not just any teenage girl. I'm me.

I'm that awkward girl in the breakfast club, that everyone thinks is odd. The only thing is, I don't get the guy in the end. I get bruises and awful memories.

Mr. Chance starts, "If you need any help-" He was cut off by the blaring ring of the announcement mic.

"Olivia Barins, please report to the principal's office. Again, Olivia Barins, please report to the principal's office. Thank you." The wretched voice came to stop.

My breathing faltered as I imagined the shock on Olivia's face. The sight of pure confusion. Maybe she knows that I went to Mr. Anderson. But, how?

I sort of wished I had a history with her now, just to see the look on her face. She would probably look in my direction and glower. Her eyes would scrunch up in concentration as she would read my appearance. She would stand up straight and stiff, and then waver around the desks towards the door. Or she would get up clueless and willingly. She would seem as though she has done nothing wrong and innocently leave the class. No eye wrinkles, no frown, no stiff movements. She would be walking into her own doom.

I wondered about Aiden. What about him?

I mean, it was mostly Olivia, but Aiden violated me, and he had almost got his way with me if it weren't for Carson. If only I had the guts, I would walk right up to him and hit him across the face. With the back of my hand, skin on skin. I could only imagine the shock on his face when I would hit him, and my hand created a mark on his perfect tan skin. A pink hand, taking the place of the colours that portrayed his face. In my imagination, he would be bewildered by my actions. Maybe even feel sorry for the things he's done, but it was only that. My imagination.

My hand hovers over the raw flesh on my wrist and pull the sleeve of my sweater down further. The memory stained in my mind, was a lot worse than it really was. The burning hot object meeting my skin. My eyes were closed, allowing me to imagine the worst of what was happening. A shiver ran down my spine.

"Back to work-" the same ear-piercing sound is sounded once again, and he sighs loudly and plops down in his chair in frustration.

"Aiden Scott, please report to the principal's office. Again, Aiden Scott, please report to the principal's office. Thank you."

Mr. Chance stays silent and looks up to the ceiling. I follow his eyes to the white plaster above and bit into my cheek. Pulling in the raw pink flesh between my teeth. A hand taps my shoulder, but I keep my focus on the ceiling.

"Is there anymore?" Mr. Chance huffs out, still not moving.

"Everything should be better from now on." I hear Carson's soft voice warm my chilled statue.

Is it?

* * *

My heart pounds as I sit in my spot on my messed-up bed. It is never made. I can't bring myself to do it. There's no point. I'm only going to mess it up again when I go to sleep. My phone lays in my hand. It will vibrate for the fourth time tonight. It's so foreign I don't know how to react.

Carson's name is plastered on the screen, the name bright and bold. I press the name, and his text shows up on my screen.

Carson: r u alright?

I stare at the message, unsure how to respond. Finally, my thumbs move across the screen, over each letter and reply.

Anna: i guess.

My finger hits send.

Within a few seconds, his reply sends my phone into a vibration again, numbing my hand with the feeling. I read the words carefully, aloud to myself. My room is empty, my door closed, my voice echoes out.

Carson: thats good

My mind gets the best of me.

Anna: can i ask u a question?

Carson: shoot.

I debate on my thoughts, but I couldn't help but let my fingers fly across the keyboard, and without re-reading the text, and debating any more I send it.

Anna: where have u been?

Not more than a minute later he responds.

Carson: waiting for you

My heart pounds in my chest and my eyes start to burn. He has done so much, and I don't know why. I don't deserve it. I don't understand.

My eyes dart towards my door, when I hear the sound of it creak. My mother's head pops in and her smile is stitched into her face like usual. I tilt my head and smile back, forgetting my previous thoughts.

"Mother?" I say.

"Dinner's ready." With that, she slides back out and my door is shut once more.

I slump down, in disappointment. I was hoping that maybe she would have had some good news about her job, or that the principal called her and she felt guilty. But it wasn't. I wasn't sure why I was so excited about it in the first place.

I hold the small, compact object in my hand and huff out all the air I had breathed in. My thoughts racked me of an idea of what to send him back.

What do I say back to what he said? How do I possibly follow that up? Who can possibly follow that up?

Anna: see u tomorr. and.. thanx.

I smile and set my phone on my bed. As I reach the door, I look back at my phone. My smile is still light up on my face and I scrunch my face and play with my lips.

"I'm so in over my head."