Promise I Will

29

Thump. Thump. Thump.

My heart beats slow and calm as I sit in the comfort of the cozy car. Carson sits in the driver's seat on my right. He stares out to the road, concentrating on the cars ahead. I turn my head and focus on the grey road out in front of me through the glass, just as I see Carson's mouth open slightly.

"A-" It was just a small sound from his mouth. Like he was going to speak but decided against it.

I spun my head in his direction to see if he was about to go on, but he was done. He had nothing to say. Like his words had vanished in the air like a cloud of steam from a hot coffee.

"Carson?" I say his name in bewilderment.

"Yeah?" he turns his head shortly to show his attention without his eyes, leaving the road for more than a second.

"You were going to say something." I add a small shorted laugh to ease the tension.

"Oh – um. It's nothing."

My eyebrows pinch together in confusion. Wasn't he about to say something? It didn't seem like nothing. I could see the tension in his muscles, the way he moved so hesitantly. The way he was too quick to answer me.

"Carson. Just say it. I know there's something bugging you."

There was a long pause. The quiet gave me a moment to observe the landscape around us. I knew the street as well. We were in my neighbourhood, about four blocks away from my home.

"Just leave it alone! It's nothing." Carson snaps.

I close my mouth without another thought and shrink down a level in my seat. I wondered what was on his mind. I didn't want to make him angry, though, so I kept my mouth shut.

Two more blocks, I think to myself.

The car slides to a halt in front of my home and I sit up. "Uh... Thanks, I guess." I say in a low voice. I bring my heavy body up and out of the car. I don't even look to Carson as I move. I was scared for the thousandth time that he might just be like all the others. Was just here with me, waiting for the perfect time to pounce and make me the fool.

"Anna..." Carson's voice was soft and apologetic. I turn my head slightly as I was holding the car door. The wind rushed around me, reminding me of the cold, snowy weather coming fairly soon.

I decide not to say anything, I just search his face for words. I searched for what was bothering him so bad.

"I'm sorry. I'm just... Thinking." He says slowly. I stay silent, wondering again if this was just an add on to the joke or if he was seriously apologizing. "I'm sorry," he pouts.

"So..." I sigh as I slowly make my way back into the vehicle.

"So... What?" He speaks in a clueless matter making a chuckle rumble in my chest.

"So... What were you thinking about? What are you thinking about that has your panties in a bunch?"

He sighs and runs a hand through his blonde hair. It was like he was having an inner battle, whether or not he should tell me what's on his mind. He huffs out another few breaths into the silence of the car and finally turns his body to face me.

"The..." He hesitates for a moment, still debating, "the kiss."

I froze for a moment. He was thinking about the kiss. My heart began to race, my tongue came out and licked my lips, my throat was dry, my hands started to get clammy. In the matter of seconds, I was an inner wreck.

"What about it? I mean, it was an accident, right?" I let out a casual chuckle. In reality, I was a burning ball of fire inside slowly burning out.

"I... Don't know. I just..." He stopped with nothing else. I looked at him and our eyes met. I could see the uncertainty in his eyes.

"It was... And accident... Right?" I ask, but I was truly hoping that his answer would be no.

"Yeah... Right." He says, but he doesn't look away from my eyes and I could myself being pulled to him. My being getting pushed in his direction.

Suddenly we were connected. Our mouths on one another. I could feel my heart racing as his lips moved with mine and our hot breaths collide. We were so different in so many ways, but somehow we were the same. Maybe it was a mistake, but it didn't matter at the moment.