Promise I Will

21

I huff out the air that filled my lungs and plopped my bottom onto the seat facing him. My eyes scan his. He seemed calm and collected, as if he didn't just steal my jacket from me.

"Can I just have my jacket?" I groan.

"What jacket?" I question, innocently.

I shake my head in irritation. I just wanted out of there. To go home and write everything down. To let out my feelings. To be free, in my claustrophobic room... So maybe I don't want to go back, but I sure as heck didn't want to be here.

"What do you want?" I sigh.

"I want you to tell me why you have been avoiding me." His voice serious and stern. He sounded like my father.

"I don't have time for this. I need to get home."

"You need to, or you want to?"

"Both." I say firmly.

"Look, did I do something wrong?" His eyes soften with his words, a glint of sadness is shown.

"Yes! Now please give me back my jacket." I was growing greatly impatient. I didn't have an excuse yet. This wasn't supposed to happen. I needed to get out of there. I needed more time to think of a good excuse that Carson would buy. The truth was too embarrassing.

"No. Not until I get my answer." My frustration blows off its top like a kettle when it's at its climax. I reach over and grasp the red piece of clothing from his arms with a mighty tug. Its torn from his grip and his expression is one of shock.

I spin on the palms of my feet and charge out of the cafe. I spin my jacket over my head and slide it down my sensitive skin. The cold air surrounds my body as I step out of the door. Its a refreshing relief being out of the cafe that was becoming stuffy and uncomfortable.

"Wait." Carson's voice is more or less a breath of air. I ignore his attempt to pause me and continue down the walkway.

"Stop!" his voice rises a bit more than the last time, and it makes me flinch. I slow my pace down and come to a stop.

"What is wrong? What did I do?" His questions when he makes his way around me. His feet are planted firmly on the ground in front of me. He wasn't about to let me leave until he got an answer.

"I'm scared, okay?" I practically yell in his face. It was unlike me yelling. I felt like a coward doing it. Like I was becoming one of them. Becoming my worst fear. My worst nightmare.

"Scared? Of what?" His eyes squint, and his brows scrunch together. I know he is confused now, but also concerned. I hated it.

"I'm scared of letting you in. I let you break my walls down already. I'm scared you're going to keep going and won't stop till they are all gone, and when they are, you'll be just like them. You'll hate me and show me what I really am. I'm scared. Okay?" I spill. My arms wave up and down to indicate I was talking about him, "I'm scared this is all an act."

His mouth goes slack and his eyes lighten with my words. He is trying to process everything, I said I was scared. He broke some walls down already that took me years to build up, around myself. If he took them down. I don't know how I would be able to build them back up again. I would really be broken.

Broken, not by a force hitting me, or words hurting me. Broken, by knowledge. With the knowledge of him being able to do such a thing. For allowing someone I knew I shouldn't have let in, take my world apart. Piece by piece.

"You think I would do something like that?" I hang my head low while he stands his ground watching me every move intently under his hard stare.

"If it makes you feel any better, I know what it feels like." These words make my ears perk up.