*Monday
I haven't forgotten about what happened Friday. Today...I am as insecure as ever.
I cling my text books to my chest as I quickly walk through the halls of school.
Keeping my head down, I am unaware of what's going on around me.
I nudge the shoulder of someone as I walk passed. I remain unaware but as I try to continue walking, someone grabs my wrist.
"Madison?" I hear the voice say. I keep my head down and avoid eye contact but I know that voice. Chandler.
I yank my hand away from his grasp and turn around. I begin walking again. I think Chandler decided to just leave me be.
Riing
Time for English.
I quickly walk in and take a seat at the back of the classroom. Keeping my head down, I notice my hands have begun to shake and I quickly take my hands and hide them under the desk.
This is the thing, whenever I haven't a panic attack for a while, the next time I have one...It triggers my anxiety. Worse than ever. I'm extremely vulnerable today.
"Maddie?" I hear a voice call from beside me. I glance over and see Lydia looking at me with concern. "Are you okay?" She asks. "I'm fine" I reply, my voice a little shaky.
Soon after, Chandler walks in and sits in the other seat beside me but he does not speak.
Chandler and I do not speak the whole lesson. Soon as the bell rings, I dart out the room as quick as I can.
There's a corner of benches on the third floor, that nobody goes to. I'll go there.
After a minute or so of heading to that quiet spot, I sense someone following me. I do not acknowledge who it is, so I continue walking.
Once I get there, I sit down for a minute or two and cry softly to myself. Not long after, Chandler emerges from around the corner.
I look up and I'm met with those same blue eyes, this time they're filled with sympathy. I look back down and bring my knees up to my chest.
"Go away, Chandler" I say through the tears. He purses his lips. "I can't do that Madison" he says softly.
"Why? Please... I want to be alone" I beg. He takes a seat next to me. "I can't stand seeing people like this. I feel like I need to do something" he sighs and looks down. "Is it me? Have I done something to hurt you?" He says shyly, avoiding eye contact.
"Uh...no it...its just-" "then what was that earlier when you nudged me in the hallway" he interrupts, raising his voice.
I wince at his slightly louder tone. "Sorry" he mumbles. I take a deep breath. "It's my...anxiety. Before Friday, I hadn't had a panic attack for 5 months. But...when it happened Friday...it triggered my anxiety again" my eyes begin to fill with tears. "And...when that happens after it's been a while...its...its hard to go back. That's why I'm quite vulnerable today" I explain.
He looks down. "Oh...um" he suddenly becomes shy again. "Well...I'm sorry" I can tell he doesn't know what to say and then...he just walks away.
