She Coyote

9. Brothers

COYOTE

I found myself feeling colder after Jude walked in the opposite direction from the train station. The day was bright and frigid, hinting at the upcoming winter. I tugged his jacket tighter around my small frame, attempting to capture as much warmth as I could. I let the idea of never intentionally crossing paths with him ever again settle in the back of my mind as I trudged down the noisy streets, chatty people scattered everywhere. Why did I take his jacket?

I tried to not let the memory of what occurred this morning consume me, but it slowly crept it's slimy fingers around my neck until I couldn't breathe. I turned down an ill lit alleyway and slumped against the rough brick wall. I pulled on the tips of my hair, my foot tapping.

What I wanted was confirmation, I wanted to look Anthony in the eyes and hear him declare what he did to my mother. I had no such luck. I didn't know what it was that I was expecting to do. Kill him? I couldn't. I could, but I knew I wouldn't.

Images of bashing in his skull with a bloody hammer swam through my head like salmon. It was what I needed, longed for, but it wasn't what I would do.

You took an innocent life  from a man  you've never even met and you can't kill the monster who murdered your mother?

It wasn't that easy. What I did all those years ago was purely accidental and I hated myself everyday for it. My subconscious shouted trauma into my ears and tortured me with his eyes in my sleep. I couldn't do it again. I couldn't. I could. I wouldn't.

I danced a pack of Marlboro Red between my fingers, debating on taking one out and igniting it. I hesitated, pulled the cig out from it's box, tried to use my lighter on it but it merely sparked out nothingness. I sighed and tossed the cigarette to the dirty ground.

I didn't enjoy the idea of smoking, I enjoyed the act of it. It brought me this head rush that I could sense all throughout my bones. I liked feeling smoke go inside my lungs and watch it exit my body in wispy clouds of gray. I just didn't like how I was actively aware of the cancer it was injecting into me with every breath I took.

At least I didn't smoke as much as Jude. In the hours I spent with him it was rare I didn't notice a cigarette dangling out form his perfectly peach lips. Then again, drug addicts are often heavy smokers, at least it seemed that way to me.

He himself was a drug and I was ashamed to admit I wanted more of him. His cocky attitude and teasing nature made me crazy, but I wanted to feel the rush he induced in me. I wanted to feel him in my bones.

...

JASPER

I felt the intake of cigarette smoke as it filled my mouth, letting the rush gather in my head before blowing it away. I gazed out with translucent eyes at the dancing ocean, my thoughts consumed by a short, angry girl---no, woman.

"Jude wouldn't do anything..." I mumbled under the cover of my tongue, flicking off the soft gray ash of the end of my cigarette. "He doesn't even like her..." I continued to grumble.

It's been all night, they should be back by now. Maybe I should go home and see if they're here. I wonder if Jude will bring Coyote back to our house? I hope he does.

I released a mighty sigh, the chilly wind grabbing at my hair and throwing it with the breeze across my forehead. I tossed my cig into the water and began trekking back up the damp sand to town. The trail twisted and turnned, big bushy leaves overlapping the walkway and brushing across the front of me. I mumbled a curse and smacked them away as I stepped meticulously over rocks and other things threatening to trip me.

As soon as I managed to break free from the grasp of the foliage's touch, I didn't even have to look around to spot Jude swimming through the shoppers and teenagers and people blocking the sidewalks.

A sigh of relief fell over me as I called his name, he didn't hear me; or pretended he didn't. I pushed myself into a jog, waved my hand, called a second time. "Jude, hey! Hey!"

He had a cigarette dangling out of his mouth as usual, but when I caught up to him I realized he must have dumped out the tobacco and replaced it with pot, because he reeked of it. He finally glanced at me, expressionless. "Hey, man." He murmured, scratching lightly at his chin.

"So? What happened?" I skipped the small talk.

He shrugged. "We didn't find her dad, so we went home."

"That's it? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Don't swear." He whacked the back of my head.

"Ow!" I barked, shoving him away with as much force as I could create. I despised the small sense of loneliness I had without him by my side. He was one of my closest friends, but he was also my older brother.

He stumbled back a couple steps before regaining himself, running a hand through his hair. "Really, dude?" He scoffed, rolling his stupid eyes.

"Did anything happen with Coyote?" I pressed him for answers, concern filling up my hollow chest as if it were water breaking through a dam and flooding a river.

"Victoria's fine."

"Who?"

"What?"

"You said Victoria."

"I'm so high right now, stop talking to me."

I couldn't help chuckling at his overwhelming stupidity. In the back of my mind I quietly prayed weed was the only drug he was being affected by. He declared last month he was off all the hard drugs—even turned his needles in to our mother who immediately disposed of them, but I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he was still snorting the damn heroin without them.

"Hey...I've been meaning to ask you something..." I informed him, rubbing the back of my head.

"What is it, man?" His face suddenly held a very concentrated expression, obviously intrigued by my sudden transition in tone.

I smiled nervously, glancing all around me. The sudden switch in our conversations tone threw me off slightly, as I twiddled my thumbs and repeatedly juggled my vision back and forth between the ground and Jude's face.

"It's nothing serious...it's just...it's about Coyote," I announced honestly, tugging on a strand of my hair.

"Okay? Go for it." He snuffed out his makeshift joint by letting it fall to the ground and twisting it into the cement sidewalk with the toe of his boot.

"Well, um, has she...did she say anything about me? I mean that's not what I wanted I wanted to ask, but, it's...yeah." I stuttered out, feeling my nerves cranking up to ten.

He eyebrows were drawn as he stared at me with a quizzical expression, almost angry and confused at he same time, a very mild anger. "What?"

"I mean..." I felt the warmth swelling up in my reddening cheeks as I forced my eyes to meet his. "I...I think I really like Coyote."

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Such a horrible chapter. This is really really awful, but I just can't get motivated to write lately. Expect batshit craziness to take over in the upcoming chapters, I'm tired of this boring shit.

AB