She Coyote

30. I am on your side, we are on time

COYOTE
In an instant, we were holding each other tightly, as if we were afraid of letting go. His large hands pressed against my bare skin and clung there, pushing the material of my sweater up. There was a fire ignited in us, a hungry, inexplicable fire. He was so drunk. I was so drunk. He made me drunk. He was alcohol and I had a drinking problem. He was the junkie, I was his heroin. He was danger and I was danger. We were dangerous but together we were something else.

Our lips met once again and danced with each other. Our minds were shut off. I couldn't tell if the earth was spinning anymore. I felt electric and alive and nothing was able to stop me.

"Victoria," Jude gasped as if he were coming up for air.

"What?"

"Stop for a sec," he puffed out, his head falling back onto the couch.

"What's wrong?" I was getting worried, anxious. I felt my heart pounding in my chest. Was he angry at me? Was this my fault?

He shut his eyes for a moment, his chest heaving up and down. My fingers were still tugging at the material of his t-shirt, fiddling with it. Finally he spoke. "Listen, I have a lot of fun with a lot of girls, and none of that shit ever means anything to me."

"Yeah?" My voice was quieter, the world still spiraling.

"I really, really want you, but not like this." His lids parted open, the bright blue hue of his eyes enslaving me. "I want it to mean something. I don't want to just fuck you while we're wasted and then have it be this awkward thing between us."

"It won't be," I tried to convince him, failing miserably. I knew he was right, but that wasn't registering in my head.

He sighed deeply, removing his hand from my side and running it down his face. "We have this awesome thing going on, I don't want to ruin it. You mean the world to me, you literally are my world right now. If we grow distant because of some stupid thing we did drunk, I'll be destroyed."

"What do you mean by that?" I managed to question. "I'm not your world, I'm barely your friend."

"Victoria, you are my best friend, you've been my best friend ever since I met you."

"Are you friend zoning me?"

"No, I-I...I don't know." His head dropped against my collarbone, his nose tickling my neck.

"Do you like me?"

"Yes."

"As a friend?"

"I don't know."

We both exhaled, our breaths intertwining with each other. I didn't want this to end, the closeness. I wanted to feel comfort in his arms, against his chest.

"I understand." I muttered, climbing off the couch. As I stood up I felt my whole body shiver with unbalanced weight. I wobbled unevenly, until Jude snapped up straight to steady me with his hands on my hips.

We stayed there together for a few moments, swaying. It was hard for me to look anywhere but the floor. I could feel his breath on my cheeks. "This is really difficult for me." He admitted, his voice raspy and lowered. I lifted my eyes up to gaze at his features. He was so lovely. This seemed liked a dream and I never wanted to wake up.

"Remember when I said you could sleep in my bed?" I kept my tone soft, afraid to raise it to its normal volume. He nodded, and I cleared my throat. "How about tonight?"

I glanced up momentarily, just in time to catch a glimpse at his gentle smile. "Would love to." He whispered.
____
The night was peaceful. I was enveloped in Jude's warmth. He positioned himself flat on his back and I laid on top of his chest, my hands grasping ahold of his bare shoulders. I would occasionally adjust myself to peek up at his sleeping face, so calm and quiet.