She Coyote

*42. Untitled

JASPER
"Dammit," I muttered and hung the phone up. I ran a heavy hand over my face and exhaled loudly. This was the third time I called Coyote's place tonight without an answer.

"Still no one?" My mom questioned from behind me. I spun around to find her in her light blue house coat, her hair twisted back. I nodded, watching her features fall. "I just hope Jude's doing fine. I haven't heard from him in so long, I just get so worried about him." She breathed despondently.

I touched her sleeve and tried my best to force the most reassuring smile possible. "Don't worry, he's just probably busy." I told her, but she frowned.

"Doing what? He never does anything," she groaned exasperated. She was right, but I didn't want to say anything to trouble her more.

"He's with Coyote, they're probably out on a date or something."

She stared out the window, a distinct look settling over her face, one I couldn't decode. Finally she softly spoke, "I hope she's good for him." She sighed and then glanced back at me. "Maybe he'll stop using drugs for her."

"I'm sure he will," I tapped her shoulder encouragingly.

"Someone other than his family, which he obviously doesn't care about enough to call." She murmured, but as soon as she said the words she shook her head. "I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay, we were both thinking it," I finally admitted truthfully. Sure, it was hard to believe Jude still cared for us since his absence, but we both knew that he still did, even if he didn't take the time to visit or even call. I missed him a lot, more than I ever thought I would. The looming frustration and betrayal of him and Coyote getting together had finally subsided and I was pretty much over the whole situation. I just wanted to see my brother again.

"I miss him a lot," mom said quietly.

"I do, too," I agreed in a soft voice, looking at the floor. And as soon as I spook the words I heard Jen's feet shuffling against the floor and rounding the corner.

"Did Jude answer?" She asked. I was surprised she knew we were trying to contact him.

"No, sweetie," mom responded gently, holding out her hand so Jen could grasp it.

"Is he gonna be gone much longer?" She inquired with her high pitched voice, coming closer.

"I'm not sure, baby," Mom continued to answer her questions with vague, short responses, in order not to cloud Jen's young, inexperienced mind with the truth of reality.

It was hard on us, not having Jude around. He was the comic relief, the big brother, the first born. He was the dish washer and the trouble maker and the reason my douche of a dad hardly ever came home. Now that Jude was gone my father had made a practically permanent residence in our house and it felt wrong for all kinds of reasons. If Jude were here instead of me, he would have kicked that dipshit's ass to the curb and told him off as loud as he could. Jude was fearless. I was cautious. I never did anything bad. Mom knew I smoked weed and was fine with it, but I never did anything worse than that. Jude robbed stores and hooked up with strangers and threw parties and went 100 mph on the back roads alongside the beach. He lived while he was alive, I was just doing my best to survive.

Our house didn't feel like a home without him here. I wanted him to know that.

I turned to my mom, smiling at her. "It's not that late. I think I'll take the bus to Coyote's place and see if they're there. If not, I can just hang around for a little while and see if they come back."

"You know where she lives?" She asked.

"I've walked past her place a few times, I know her apartment number, so I can figure it out." I told her and began striding towards the exit.