She Coyote

47. Who we were

COYOTE
REMEMBERING THE JUDE SHE USED TO KNOW
The beach was cold, the sand wet underneath my frozen feet. Jude called me crazy, but I didn't care. I loved the feeling of earth beneath me, even if it turned my skin blue from the stinging of the frigid air mixed in with the icy water that splashed up onto my ankles.

"Your feet are gonna fall off," he warned, his hands secure in his pockets, a cigarette tucked behind his ear, which was stained an irritated red from the air.

"I don't need my feet, they're expendable." I countered facetiously.

He nodded dramatically, grinning from ear to ear. "Ahhhhh, I see. That makes sense."

"Your ears are gonna fall off, look how red they are!" I exclaimed, moving my fingers up to touch against them. We paused when I did so, my fingers delicately tracing over the fragile outline of them. He was looking at me, smiling softly. I felt my cheeks heat. I felt like kissing him, but kissing him still seemed so foreign to me, despite the impromptu night we shared together. It seemed like it was merely a dream, one that I never wanted to wake up from.

It stunned me briefly when his hand fished out from inside his pocket and cradled the curve of my jaw. I tensed up. It still was new to me, the concept of opening myself up completely. I was afraid of the emotional hurt he could possibly inflict on me at any moment that he wanted to, that was why my mind was so foggy.

His thumb stroked up and down, gliding across my bottom lip. His eyes were gentle, they weren't hungry. He was so beautiful to look at, like a painting. Like a god. He exhaled, his hand dropping.

"I want to apologize, you know...about ditching you." He spoke quietly, glancing around nervously. I could tell this was difficult for him.

"What? Oh, um...don't worry about it..." I quickly lowered my arm and spun around, continuing forward across the vast expanse of the empty beach. I heard him chuckle from behind me.

"At least I know that you don't want to talk about it just as much as I don't." He commented smugly.

I shrugged lamely, not glancing back at him, even though I wanted to. "It's not that important, you made a mistake and I forgave you."

"Was last night your forgiveness? Or just something a little extra." I didn't even have to look at him to hear the crude smirk that was surely on his face.

I rolled my eyes and finally turned back to gaze at him. "Last night was your Christmas present." I stated blatantly.

He nodded, laughing. "All right, so no more sex until next year?"

"Nope, none."

"Lame," he huffed before throwing his arm around me and pulling me into his chest. It was bittersweet. I was so happy, so overjoyed. But I knew this Jude would soon disappear and be replaced with someone else once the withdrawal caught up to him. His first day without heroin was going fine, but I feared tomorrow. I feared the day after that and after that. I just wanted this to stay the way it was right now, walking along a frozen beach with cold feet and Jude's arm around me.

"Was I any good?" He asked after a moment, his tone humorous and light.

I found myself slightly annoyed he still wanted to talk about it. "Yeah, sure. For the whole fifteen seconds."

"Fuck you, we're breaking up, bye." He raised his arms and halted, closing his eyes as I spun around. He was still smiling as I tried to force a hug on him, but he sidestepped and shook his head.

"No, wait—" I giggled, my hands on his chest.

"We're done," he stated as I reached my arms up to tangled around his sturdy neck. I leaned all my weight into him, my feet nearly picking up from the ground. Our laughter intertwined. I felt so connected.