Beginnings and Endings [complete]

Chapter Thirty-Six

Chapter Thirty-Six 

School never felt so lonely. Half the time he was in class sitting for the exam, the other half in the cafeteria when I wasn't. Everything I saw reminded me of him. A red tie. Korean-styled hair. A Little Piece of Heaven by Avenged Sevenfold in Bata. Weddings every other Saturday. His promises rung in my mind, but based on his actions they were fading away slowly. Too slowly for my taste.

On the last day of school, I couldn't be much happier to be leaving behind the places in which my most treasured memories occured. The memories stay, but it wouldn't be so bad. Hell, I had fun on my last day, really.

To Alyssa, with whom I was like the best of friends - or close - I gave a Cookie Monster button badge and a bracelet. To Daniella something similar. To Zee and Ally the same, as well as Summer and Sara. Suddenly I was so fucking grateful for the girls. They didn't know, but they set me back on my feet after Dom, and that, while I can be painfully honest most of the time, is something I'll never be able to admit to them face to face.

Both Sara and Summer took great pleasure in pointing out the fact that I was so much happier without Dom. I brushed it off lightly with a sad smile and a breathy laugh, but it was hard to deny. No more outbursts. Less public displays of temper. No more tears. More carefree, happier even. At the end of the day, after Auld Lang Syne and more tears and goodbyes and hugs, I agreed to it.

Usually I rejoiced at the holidays, for obvious reasons, and at the same time despised it for not being able to see friends. This year, the latter was even more so. I kept the treasured orange book away, taking it out once a day to read. Each time I cried and hoped and wondered, but within ten minutes I was fine, left to wonder - what have I been doing with my life, and why doesn't he affect me anymore?

It was no secret that he knew that I accused him of screwing up, and didn't trust him half as much as before. But while I always denied it, I stopped now. I realized that all he did was bring me down. I thought he'd be able to lift me up, understand my pain and do his level best not to repeat it, but instead he took advantage of the big piece of my personal life that I shared with him and turned it against me.

Stephanie, Avril, Carrie. Me. It hit me then that he had been serious at one point with all of us, but it slowly faded off. What I wanted to know was why he lasted so long with me. Did he pity me, feel sad for my pathetic excuse of a bruised heart? Suddenly I felt played, disgusted with myself. I fell so low. But no more. He has two more months to prove what he's been saying all along, before I give up completely and do what I can to move on.

It won't be easy, granted, after how much we've been through, but this distance made me realize the vast difference of how I was with him and without. And without was far, far better than with.

However, my problems were far from over. The first Sunday of the holidays kickstarted with a car wash I planned. No, wait, correction - a car wash my teacher forced me to plan. I'd gotten my class, the ninthgraders and my juniors to cooperate, but since I only had two Sundays to plan it, I wasn't expecting it to be a huge turnout.

It wasn't, but it wasn't a letdown either. We separated into groups, as planned, and set to work, as planned. Otherwise, it was not organized in the least. Xavier was the one who helped me get the pails and the hose, or the entire thing would've exploded in my face like most of Seamus Finnigan's attempts at magic in Harry Potter.

Xavier... Oh was today complicated. Matt had asked the both of us to help wash Xavier's mom's car, but we'd both completely forgotten about it. He stayed with me, all the time, making me laugh and smile in a way only he could do.

When I remembered abandoning Matt, I pulled him with me to the car just outside the church compound, and did our jobs splashing the car alternately with soap and water. Matt cracked sarcastic remarks, Xavier egged him on and contributed, but that was normal and what I was more than used to.