Beginnings and Endings [complete]

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter Thirty-Nine

I sat back in the old wooden chair, unbalanced as it was with two legs on the carpet and two legs off, to review my note. Or letter, because notes sure as hell don't span 4 exercise book pages. The only reason I could write this was because I was in my grandparents' house, while my parents worked in their dismal offices. I wasn't expecting any messages today, not after last night's spat. Even with all my begs and pleas for him to understand and avoid the risk of losing another friendship, I knew him too well that when he was mad and/or upset, not many people could get him to talk.

Still, I doubt this letter was going to make things any better, merely a necessity I wish wasn't. As I read through it again, I could only imagine what it would put him through. Feeling the sting of tears prickle the backs of my eyes, I blinked several times before finishing the letter and folding it neatly.

Essentially, I was apologizing profusely and asking his forgiveness, explaining what was going on between me and Dom; I also stated that if I gave in it wouldn't be fair because it'd be out of pity not love, and he deserved so much more than that; I told him I loved him, just not in that way, and begged yet again to just consider staying the close friends that we already were.

The pain of losing Lennox not just as a boyfriend but as a close friend and brother for six years had long faded, but today it came back in full force as I contemplated how much it would destroy me if I lost Xavier. Biting my lower lip hard, I struggled to keep in the tears. Enough crying, I snapped at myself inwardly. At the rate I've been crying recently, it's a wonder I have any tears left.

I pocketed the letter into my jeans, trying to keep Xavier off my mind as much as possible as I talked to Dom. His reply to my message asking him to call came instantly, and within a minute my phone was ringing with his set ringtone of Half Alive by Secondhand Serenade.

"Hello?" His voice echoed through the phone, but it no longer held the warmth it once did. If at all, it sparked my fury and pain. I used to be head over heels for him, one step before his word is law, and everything he did and said made me feel special. Not anymore.

"Hi Dom..." I greeted carefully. "How are you?"

"Fine,", came his short, reserved reply.

Silence flooded my ears then. Wow Dom, I thought darkly. Not even gonna ask how I am? Fine, then I'll just cut straight to the point, since you couldn't give two shits anymore.

"Remember the guy at church I told you about? My close friend who was mad at me for not going for the secondary camp?" I asked, trying and failing to hide the angry sarcasm in my voice. What was his fucking problem?

"Yeah?"

If you're not fucking interested in talking to your fucking ex who still unbelievably gives a shit about you, then why call in the first place, you dumb fuck! I wanted to yell into the phone, empty out all the stored up pain and anger and sadness, but I knew it would just satisfy his ego. His voice held  no more of the remorse and regret his last note so obviously expressed, now it was just cold and hard, reserved and unfeeling.

"He asked me to be his girlfriend," I snapped into the phone, slowly losing control of my temper and frankly glad of it.

Silence.

"Don't worry, I said no, I'm not gonnna break my promises to you," I added with the smallest hint of dark humour and ironic sarcasm, hating myself that it was partially true. As I waited not so patiently for his predictable reply devoid of emotion, my sadness fled to be replaced by anger.

"Okay," was all he said, and in an angry fit, I snapped a fast, pissed off goodbye and hung up. 

It seems that my store of tears has been used up, I thought darkly as my bad temper arrived on express train. All the crying, the sadness, the pain had been sourced from one person: Dominic fucking Wood. All of it dissolved into fury and anger. Barely containing a snarl, I gripped my phone so tightly my knuckles turned white, and almost threw it across the room.