Beginnings and Endings [complete]

Chapter Forty-Six

Chapter Forty-Six

Puffy eyes made me sleepy. Not to mention it's hard to see. Add that to just about everyone asking you how you are and being forced to tell the heartbreaking story over and over again to those who were close to you about your initially thought wonderful boyfriend's cheating made it just about, I don't know, the worst day ever.

Choir practice was usually enjoyable, even though Nat had found out about my dating Xavier and started classic bitch-faces at me. I mean, hello? What he did to you was wrong, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with it just because I don't voice it.

Two, I didn't lie to you, I just didn't tell you because I didn't think you were ready.

Three, umm, assuming shit much?

Four, you're seriously bitching about me on your blog that only your other best friend reads? And you deleted the previous one because it was depressing - hmm, nice improvement, note the sarcasm.

Five, I have every right to withhold things from you even as your best friend as long as they don't concern the endangerment of your life.

My head was just overwhelmingly packed with too many things. Xavier. Pain. Nat. School. Rsponsibilities. Home. Right now I just wanted to get away from it all, escape to some deserted tropical paradise where no one could find me. Especially not him.

Speaking of him, as I sang harmony with two other women, I half-regretted sending him that text. Just after we - or rather, he - broke up with me, it took me half an hour before I could be considered okay. Part of me that didn't want to scream profanities at him sent him a text, that really just showed how much he meant to me and how weak I was without him.

Adrianne: Hey. Look, I'm not sorry for anything except the fact that I couldn't make you happy. I'm sorry I wasted your time. But I really, really hope you're happy with that other girl. Thank you for everything, even if it was all just a lie. -Adrianne

So it wasn't one of the best decisions I've made, but yeah. I felt like I had to say it. He probably still had my number, so adding my name wasn't necessary, but without it, the message seemed to be missing a sense of finality.

After he broke up with Nat, he hadn't contacted her at all, barely even looked at her in church. So I was extremely surprised that he called a while after that text. Every call made, I killed, knowing that his mere voice would send me back over the edge. That was when his texts came in. It just builded and builded until I couldn't take it anymore. Ignoring my subconscious telling me that even his text could break the already fragile wall I resurrected around me, and that whatever he said were lies, I took the first opportunity to slip away to check my phone.

Xavier: A lie?

Xavier: Call back.

Xavier: Please pick up.

Xavier: B?

It disgusted me that he could still use pet names for me. 'B' was meant to be short for 'baby', along with several others that included 'angel', 'beautiful', 'babe'. Lies, all of them, I thought sadly.

Adrianne: What do you want, Xavier?

His reply was instant, making me stay longer in the toilet where I'd gone to check my phone to avoid suspicions. Explaining this to my parents would result in his trip to the hospital.

Xavier: I'm sorry for everything. I won't do it again.

Beside the aching numbness that remained constant, anger flared. He still thinks there's another time? In fury I hit the alphabets on the screen harder than necessary, typing out an impatient reply, to say the least.