Beginnings and Endings [complete]

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Chapter Thirty-Seven 

Xavier: Oi. 

You just wasted like ten cents on a three characters. I salute you. But it made me smile. My conflictions had finally calmed down, but I was still torn between Dom, the boy I went through so much with and promised so much, and Xavier, my best friend for six years who had always been there for me. My heart ached with confusion, ached for real love, but in my head I knew using Xavier to get over Dom would be wrong.

However, I didn't reply until I had a missed call on my phone three hours later. I was feeling alright by then, having doodled and sketched out something, finishing my ink pen that was supposed to be used for school in the process.

Adrianne: Hehe. Hi. Sorry, I forgot to reply you. 

His reply came immediately after. Serial SMSer, I thought, rolling my eyes and sighing. It's going to be very hard to shake him off now.

Xavier: -.- Thanks. What you doing? 

Oh, for the love of all things sane! I cursed in my head. He was the kind who asked questions like this to keep up the conversation. Again, I didn't reply until later, but if I denied that my thoughts did not stray to him and that kiss every few idle minutes, I'd be lying.

Something nagged at me, asking - pestering, rather - why he would've kissed me. We've been close for so long, but this is the first time we were so close physically. Since he's had Nat, I've made sure to keep my distance, but today I couldn't control the need to be close to someone who cares. Guilt gnawed at me too, but I dismissed it justifying that he started it. 

Physical is physical, it wasn't like he was groping me or anything, and it could've been dismissed as being slightly over friendly. But that kiss...that kiss took it a step too far. Why would he have? We've always been close but he's never tried anything like this before. And it wasn't just a chaste kiss that could've been dismissed as accidental. The way he did it, so gently, so carefully as if I would break, meant more, so much more.

As we texted, the temptation to ask him why, just be straightforward, strengthened. After I'd taken my bath and begun to pack my bag to take to my mom's office the next day, my resolve to demand an explanation after his next reply was pretty concrete.

I would've asked if his next reply didn't almost make me drop my phone.

Xavier: Oh, ok. I broke up with Nat btw. 

My sister, passing by my door to get to her room, heard my sharp, shocked intake of breath and poked her head through the doorway. "Sis?"

I waved her away impatiently, trying to wipe away my expression and replace it with a neutral one instead. What was I feeling now? Happiness? No. I might not like the idea that they were together but she was still my best friend. I had supported them and done nothing to sabotage them. Was I sad? Yes, that they broke up. Sympathetic? Of course, for her. A little pissed? Mm...yeah.

It took a while to reply him, but eventually I found more reasons to stay in my room to text him.

Adrianne: Ohmygod, what?! Why?! How? Is she okay?? 

It wasn't an overreaction, I justified, nearly face palming myself. I was worried, and sad, and happy, and shocked, and hopeful. Part of me considered texting her, but I didn't think I had the balls too. Not when she saw me and him being so affectionate with each other right in front of her eyes. Besides, when it came to comforting people I was alright. But over the phone? Suck it.

Xavier chose to ignore all the questions I threw at him so violently and answer the second only. Xavier: The feelings for the one I really love came back.