Beginnings and Endings [complete]

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Waking up the next morning to see eye bags and bed hair made my first sentence of the day 'Oh fuck, you again.'

I put off looking at my phone and checking messages for as long as I could. Last night was traumatic and scary and I wanted to leave it be for as long as I could.

Following my mom to work today meant a long day reading, drawing and texting. If Xavier hadn't brought up the topic of feelings, I'd be texting him right now. But wouldn't that be more awkward than necessary.

One hour on the train was nothing. I had interesting people to look at and scrutinize, like this teenager picking at his nose, or this 30-something year old asleep with his head thrown back and his mouth open (I dubbed him the Venus flytrap), and this five year old rolling around on the floor screaming and throwing a tantrum. Not to mention this girl who was in like five inch platform heels and a skimpy Santarina outfit that made her look like a slut, and this couple who obviously hadn't heard of PDA and couldn't keep their hands off each other, some dude with his earphones in banging along to a drum solo, and of course the standard group of people who are not on opposite ends of a football field but shouting at each other like they are anyway.

Nope, it was the bus ride that killed me. I get headaches if I try reading in the bus, so my only other option was plugging in my earphones and blasting something like Avril Lavigne or Avenged Sevenfold. All the humour on the train temporarily made me forgot about my dilemma, but when I took out my phone, all of it came flooding back.

Xavier: Hey, I know it's late. But I just wanted to tell you that you are everything. If you could give me a chance, I won't mess it up. I promise. That's all. Bye.

I wasn't sure whether that was an ouchie or a thank god. On one hand I was filled with despair at the thought of him giving up on me, not waiting just a little while more before I gave him a definite answer, but also relieved that now maybe he'll find someone who's better for him. Someone who would automatically say yes.

God knows, I wanted to be that someone. But I've got someone else holding me back, who I would still give up...if not everything, then a lot of things for. As if he deserved it or did the same, but...yeah.

In terms of replying, my head was completely blank, so I did the most logical thing and didn't reply. At least, I tried my hardest not to. It was harder not to keep looking at my phone to read the text, which soon became an irritating habit, especially after I continued to do it after I'd memorized it. Yet I just melted each time and I was about to delete the text that I read at 9 at 10ish, when my phone began to blare Like A G6. My cousin of all people is the one who calls me.

"Hello, Adrianne?" His deep, slightly raspy voice hit me from his side.

I took a pause before I answered to rub my ear where his unnecessarily loud voice hurt it. "Yeah, what's up?"

"Where are you?? Xavier's asking whether you wanna come gym with us."

I nearly dropped my phone. What the fuck? Xavier and my cousin going to gym? On earth... I swallowed. "I'm in my mom's office," I replied shakily. "You?"

"We're outside your house..." he replied immediately, and said something after that that I didn't catch. Except the name Xavier.

My heart sank all the way down. So Xavier and my cousin are outside my house. Why is it so painful that he couldn't call me himself? I asked myself sadly, mood falling. Damn, this sucks.

Swallowing and finding the guts to answer, I boldly asked, "Why didn't he call me himself? Sorry, but I can't join y'all. Maybe next time."

Yeah, right, I added in my head after that. The real surprise here wasn't that my cousin was with Xavier, but that he was outside my house, willing to spend some time with me after such a painful night. For the both of us.