Tweedle-dumb And Tweedle-dead

Perfect

Cause we've lost it all,

Nothing lasts forever.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

Now it's just too late,

We can't go back.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.

~Simple Plan

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ASHTONS P.O.V.

Me and Harry, my best friend, sat down at the lunch table with our trays of food, smiling at two of our friends, Josh and Nick.

Louis came soon after and sat next to Harry. "Hey Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum." Louis smiles, ruffleing Harrys hair.

He groans and fixes his hair. "Lou, what did I tell you about the hair?" He whines as we laugh.

I smile and ruffle his hair again, right after he finished fixing it. He slaps away my hand. "Not you too Ash!"

I laugh loudly with the rest of the table. "Sorry Harold, couldn't help myself."

We goofed around and talked the rest of lunch, groaning about how the rest of our group didn't have lunch with us.

×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+×+

I wake up with a start. Oh how I love having dreams like that, dreams of the last few weeks I was happy, three years ago.

It was a bittersweet situation.

On one hand, I get to live that life again, I get to be who I used to be, I get to be happy, even for just a bit. It's the only time I feel happy now. During the dreams and right after I wake up.

On the other hand, it just reminds me if what I lost. It reminds me of my mistakes. It reminds me of what I can't have. It reminds me of just how miserable I am now. And soon after I wake, I remember, and I'm in an even worse place than before.

I look at the clock to see that it's 5:30 In the morning. I got 4 hours of sleep, that's pretty good for me.

I know what I'm going to do now. I always do after a dream like that. I don't even try to fight it anymore. There's no point anyway, it's not like I'll ever recover.

I get out of bed and open my bottom drawr, deciding on what I'll use. I have to leave for school soon, and I don't feel like using the effort it takes to clean up blood from cuts.

So I take out my white lighter with the words I wrote in black, "I lost it all. It's all my fault." I whisper to myself as I read over the words, deciding it's the perfect tool for this morning.

As I throw on my grey sweatshirt and walk out the door towards school, I wonder for the millionth time what would've happened if that day never did.

                                          ♡

I'm writing so much I'm actually exited about this I hope it doesn't turn out to be trash.

Love you!♡

~CyanideTally