a heart's end

Twenty

Anaelle

    It's always raining in Maine. Or at least it always is in the town I grew up in. In the city where I spent my days rebelling, drinking, doing drugs, having sex. It's always dark skies and empty hearts. And this day was no exception.

    In a couple days it will be October, then in a couple months it will be January, then in a couple years I'll hopefully be dead. You just got to take it one day at a time. One day at a time. These are the words Donte is telling me as I sit in the passenger seat heading to Maine Memorial Hospital for Cancer Patients. I really didn't want to go with him to see his mother like this. This scrawny, weak, and tired woman. Absolutely opposite of her usual obnoxious self. It didn't make me sad, I have never cared for this woman or what happens to her.

Silence has filled the car the whole drive down here, and we were more than likely silent for different reasons. I was silent because I was constantly thinking about Monty. I have never felt more guilty. I don't think I've ever even felt guilty. It made me want to cry, but I did not want Donte to ask questions. I'll let it eat me up a little more. I deserve it.

    "Are you nervous?" I broke the tense silence. Today his mother is getting all different kinds of tests taken on her. Eventually they will have to tell Donte the horrible news; nothing can save her. Of course, I don't know this for a fact. I'm just thinking pessimistic.

    "Nervous would be an understatement." He placed his hand on my thigh. "As long as I have you, though, I can make it through anything." My heart sank further. I'm a horrible person.

    "Yes sir, she switched rooms. 811 is her new room number." God this nurse is so annoying. She hasn't looked up from her screen once, not even to answer my boyfriend's question about where his dying mother is located. Without a word he took my hand as we made it to the elevator. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out slightly to see who it was. Before I left I got Kalina's and the twin's numbers as well.  "In case of emergencies." Kalena said as she hugged me. Yes, I let her hug me.

Montgomery:
How is everything going so far?

I sent back a quick reply.

    As good as it can. Donte and I are at the hospital now.

    Donte was fidgeting beside me. He was so nervous to see his mother. I put my phone back in my pocket before it buzzed again. I pulled it out a second time. Monty needs to leave me alone.

Montgomery:
    I miss you.

    I rolled my eyes, disgusted. Now is not the time to express feelings. Not when I'm with Donte. Not in situations like this. I ignored the message as we both stepped off the elevator onto the 8th floor. This was going to be hell. This whole weekend was going to be hell. Spending time with my darkness, reminiscing in my depression all sounded just absolutely great.

With a gentle knock from Donte, I opened the door and there sat on the other side was Donte's Mother. Caroline had never been my best friend. We never had that boyfriend's-mom-got-along-with-the-girlfriend relationship. If anything I'm sure she despised me.

"Momma," Donte breathed as he went in for a hug. Her face brightened drastically when her only son was around her.

"Oh, and you brought her." Her voice dropped an octave and her smile turned into a small scowl as we made eye contact. Yep, hell it is.