a heart's end

Thirty Seven

Anaelle

I wore the ring to the parade and was paranoid the whole time. Until I officially ended things with Donte, I did not want to put mine and Monty's love on full blast. I didn't want Kalena asking questions, even though she knew about mine and Monty's confusing relationship status. Abbaline and Geraldine had thoughts, but I don't think they know me and Monty are in full love. With this ring on my finger I feel like I should have a sign taped to my chest that reads "Hey! I am a horrible person who has two boyfriends! Look at me!"

"They're not going to throw candy?" Monty asked as the parade was starting. I cocked my eyebrow. What a weird question.

"Do they normally throw peppermints and candy canes in the south?" Kalena asked. She was genuinely interested and so was I. I never thought of parades as more than floats decorated for the specific holiday.

"No, they throw way more than that. The people on the float throw every candy you can think of. It's so funny to watch the little kids scramble to see who can pick up the most fun sized Snickers." Me and Kalena laughed as Monty smiled. "In the south we also have parades for literally every holiday. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, even St. Patrick's day." His smile grew sad thinking about home.

"Maybe that's why Mississippi is the most obese state." I joked and Monty shrugged.

"I'm not sure that it is." He wrapped his arm around me and Kalena gave us a sideways glance that I ignored. "Oh well, I guess I'll just stand here, wave, and not shove my mouth with Tootsie Rolls. Man, those are my favorite. But they're always brick hard after being out in the cold." He shook his head and I couldn't help but laugh. I stuck my hands in his pockets and felt the vibrations of people around me. I heard 'Merry Christmas' about one thousand times. Monty surprised me by waving and screeching at every float. This normally shy quiet kid was making a lot of people's day. If only every Christmas could start off like this, maybe I would like it a little bit more.

   After the parade we all went out to eat. We ordered big fat plates full of food and we all ate every last bit, including me. I don't think I've ever finished my plate in years. I shushed the demons in my head telling me the weight I was going to gain. Come to think of it, I actually have gained weight over the months. I noticed in the mirror that my face was starting to get color and my cheeks weren't so hollow. I like the way I look for one in my life.

   We walked around Central Park after that, admiring the decorated trees and white ground covered with snow. I even posed with Monty for a couple pictures. I told him to send them to me since we took them on his phone. I didn't want any evidence on my phone. I shuddered at the thought that I called harmless, cute pictures with Monty "evidence".

    We arrived at the hairdressers and I was nervous. Monty was cool and calm. He wanted his hair gone. He knew exactly what he wanted to do. I ran my hands through his hair one last time and debated internally. I loved his long hair but it's just hair. It's not like once you cut it it's gone forever. I felt my own silky soft hair. A pang of nervousness ran through my bloodstream. "I want to cut my hair." I spoke aloud. Abbaline smiled at me. "You'll love it. It feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. You'll feel like a brand new person." A brand new person. I liked the sound of that. I liked that a lot actually, I can become the new person Monty wants me to be.

So he was in one chair getting almost a buzz cut, but longer at the top so his brown curls can show. It was still very short. And I was in the other chair, letting this man I didn't know chop off long piece after piece. I gasped at the first cut as dread filled my body, but after a minute I was all in. I wanted my hair gone. I kept telling him to cut more, and he kept asking me if I was sure. Of course I was sure.

"Okay... tell me how you like it!" The guy spun me around after what felt like hours and my jaw hit the floor. He somehow conformed my hair into the most elegant asymmetrical bob. The back of my hair hit the nape of my neck, and the sides were longer but not by much.

"I... love it. I love it. Thank you so much." I wasn't as vulnerable anymore. I couldn't hide behind my hair. I don't know how I feel about that.

    When we arrived back at the dorms it was already six.

    "Have you decided on going to the party with us?" Kalena sat cross legged on her bed. The only light in the dorms was from the Christmas tree and it was the room a nice glow. "I can even do your makeup for you, if you like."

   I looked at Monty's red cheeks and I raised my eyebrows. "I'll go if you go." He said.

After another hour of sitting in front of the small mirror, letting Geraldine do my hair, and Kalena to do my makeup, I was ready to go. She put soft curls in my new hair that made it appear shorter than it was. Kalena smoked out my eyes with a brownish grayish eyeshadow. Monty whistled when I got on my outfit, a light blue sweater, jeans, and some booties.

"You look..." he started. And walked around me.

"...not like yourself." He finished and I gave him a blank stare.

"Thanks." I said dryly. He wrapped me in a hug and nuzzled his head into my neck. "It's not like that, Anaelle. You look absolutely stunning. As freaking always."

When we arrived at the party the one thing I noticed was that it was very dim. The only light was from a dozen brightly lit Christmas trees scattered along the premises. I guess trees are these peoples only light source around here, even though the glow they give off is quite pretty. Abbaline left us and went off to another group of girls. Kalena and Geraldine went to go get some drinks. So it was just Monty and I alone. He grabbed my hand and studied my ring.

"I'm crazy for getting you this. People are going to think your engaged." He shook his head and I kissed his lips. "Monty," I started and grabbed the back of his neck so our faces were only inches away. "This ring is the most beloved thing I have ever owned. And even if people thought we were engaged, so what? I've been thought of for worse things." I bit my lip and smiled. Monty chuckled and kissed my lips. "I just love you so much, Anaelle. I would go absolutely crazy if you ever agreed to be my wife." My heart fluttered at his words. Being with the same person forever always seemed like a disaster to me. But with Monty, it would feel like heaven. "I love you so much, Monty."

When we broke free I felt someone's eyes on my back. I glanced around the room, unsure if this feeling was right.

"Come on, Monty. Let's go mingle." And right as I grabbed his hand and looked towards the doorway, there was Jon's face staring right at me. His face was twisted into confusion, unsure of what to think about his roommate's cheating girlfriend.

    "Damn." I mumbled, letting go of Monty's hand.

    "What?" He asked, worry was clear across his face. "Donte's roommate, Jon, saw us." I said as Monty's face whitened. He must be thinking about the time Donte beat him senseless. That's what I would be thinking.

    "Maybe you should go talk to him." He suggested and I chuckle.

    "Talk to him about what? The guy who I told my boyfriend I would stay away from suddenly has his tongue down my throat right in front of his roommate's eyes. It's pretty straightforward."

   Monty's face twisted into anger at my words. "Well maybe if you had told him the truth from the start, you wouldn't be so worried."

   "I'm not worried." I lied. "As soon as he gets back from Maine I was going to tell him that I'm in love with you. And you know I only kept it from him to spare his feelings. He's going through a tough time right now."

    He rolled his eyes. "That's what you always say, Anaelle. But one day he is going to find out. And now, thanks to our little PDA, something bad is going to happen. I can just feel it."

   We spent the rest of the night in almost silence, not even enjoying our time. I knew Monty was right, and for all I knew Donte could know right this second. Buts it's honestly inevitable. I just hope I can enjoy this almost calm before a big, blistering storm hits.