距

Chapter Five

"Remember that time you got stuck in the slide?"

..

"Remember that time we got stuck in the elevator and you tried to climb out?"

..

"Remember that time you spent forty-five bucks on that thing that would make your forehead smaller but you got ripped off?"

..

"Remember that time you tried to learn to salsa? And twisted your ankle?"

..

"Remember that time you threw up on the couch?"

..

"Remember that time you ordered In-N-Out, go so sick of waiting, and broke in through the back door?"

..

"Remember that time you helped fix a bird's wing? And the time after that? And then the next seven times after that?"

..

"Remember that time you fixed the electricity problem at my house? And the next five times after that?"

..

"Remember that time you hit that old man in the head and ran away because you thought he would kidnap you like in that scary movie we watched the day before?"

..

"Remember that time you tried making it rain like in HIMYM and failed? And the next three times after that?"

..

"Sakura...she left? But she didn't tell me! She's gonna come back, right?"

"She moved and she said that she might not come back."

Kakashi didn't understand when Sayuri told him that they weren't friends anymore. Sayuri and Sakura had so many memories. Why did they stop making them, all of the sudden?

...---...

Sakura the healer.

Sayuri the violinist.

Sakura the hero.

Sayuri the sidekick.

For five years, Sayuri sulked and wondered what she could have done to prevent Sakura from leaving her. From moving away.

But when she finally turned seventeen, she realized that this, this distance, was for good.

She held onto Sakura more than all those other friends that left her after middle school. She cared more about Sakura than her own self.

...---...

Trying to mend yourself after a loss was hard. It was difficult.

One part of you wants to forget.

"Like how you forgot so easily about mom?"

Maybe by forgetting, you'll forget the pain that you'd feel. Maybe the loss you feel would vanish.

Maybe my guilt would disappear.

The other wants to hold onto everything--the happy memories, the days they were feeling blue, the days they were agitated.

It's only then do you realize that you can't move on from it. You can't forget about it, because it's what happened, and it is what made you the way you were.

But you can heal.

But for Sayuri,

She got beat up too much that it was so hard to heal.

...---...

"I don't get it. Why are you so concerned about her? Why are your feelings so strong about her? Why do you miss her so much?"

In the second year of middle school, Sayuri learned about love. About feelings and emotions, about want and need. About desire. About family.

She finally realized what she felt.

She bit her lip and looked up at her agitated brother, whom was annoyed at her sulking. "You've been lying around for the past five years! Whenever I try to tell you to suck it up, all you do is ignore it!"

When she was sixteen and a half, Kakashi tried introducing her to other friends that were boys. She didn't like it.

She was sick of it.

...---...

"Kakashi....what if I told you..."

"What?" He asked, and his carefree tone made me even more anxious.

"What would you do if..."

"If..?"

"If...I was..." I winced and shut my eyes as I said the word I had been dreading to say. I opened my mouth and choked the word out.

It was silent, but I knew you heard it.

I saw his back stiffen, I saw his shoulders rise uncomfortably. He turned around and his unmasked face broke out into a timid, forced smile.

"You're joking, right?"

It made my heart clench.

"You're not serious, you don't mean it....right?"

It made me regret even telling him.

"Don't tell me....it's the truth."

I couldn't believe that the boy in front of me, twelve years senior, was my brother.

"Don't tell me...please..."

"You're gay?"