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Chapter Eight

"Kamiko-san's here," Kakashi hollered from the door, making Sayuri jump out of her bed and run towards the living room of their small apartment. "Stop being so excited."

How can I not? She thought. We haven't had any good food in months. She licked her lips, imagining a taste that was other than bread and butter.

The doorbell rang once again and Kakashi opened it moments later, a crinkled eye smile etched on his face. He made sure to turn back to Sayuri and make sure she was smiling, before he greeted the elderly woman. "Kamiko-san! I wasn't expecting to see you here! Well, come in!"

Kamiko sat down and handed the bag of groceries to Kakashi. "Careful there--there are a few jars of milk. You don't wanna break them."

"Of course, Kamiko-san."

"Oh, please, just call me Kamiko. It makes me feel old." During the whole conversation, Sayuri stayed silent, much to Kakashi's surprise. Soon, he became relieved she wouldn't become such an embarrassment to him whenever she spoke.

At least she won't say anything stupid, he thought.

"Of course, Kamiko." While Kakashi talked with the elder, Sayuri went to the kitchen and began unpacking. When finished, she took the envelope off the counter, tapped Kakashi on the shoulder, and handed it to him.

He nodded. "Kamiko, here is the payment. Not as much as we payed last time, but we'll make sure we pay you back next time."

Kakashi got fired from his job for being my sister. We won't be able to make any money now, Sayuri thought.

"Oh, nonsense, my dears. I do not need the money."

Your husband divorced you seven years ago. Even then, you're still trying to make up for the things you lost.

"Are you sure?"

Why are you helping us? Me?

"Yes. I am sure. Now, stay safe, kids. I'll come back sometime."

Is it because Kakashi is my brother?

Do you pity him like they do?

...---...

Kamiko was one of the few people that interacted with Kakashi and Sayuri. While everyone mostly hung out with Kakashi, Sayuri was hated. Sometimes, people avoided going to places with them because Sayuri was there.

Because Kakashi was running out of money, Kamiko, their next-door neighbor, decided to help out.

...---...

Sayuri sighed as she looked at the metal container. As she picked it up, the sound of tools inside rattled and shook with it. She took it with her to the bathroom across her room, locking the door behind her. Kakashi's looking for a job, she thought. I still have time.

She unlocked the box and opened it, breathing in the sight of metal tools. She flinched when she saw the sharp, glinting edges. Unconsciously, her right arm tugged at the sleeve on her left arm.

Don't look. It'll make you even more sick.

She moved a strand from her hair and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were stuck on the long hazelnut hair. The one that looks just like mother's.

She sifted through the metal tools until she reached the cloth underneath. Carefully, she picked up an edge of the cloth and reached underneath, fingers grazing a piece of paper. Quickly, she grabbed it, and pulled the paper out.

She examined it, taking in the image on top. The paper turned out to be a polaroid, with cursive writing on the bottom.

She smiled at the image, seeing her mother in the sunlight. The wind was blowing past her as her fingers grazed the tall grass on the field. The smile on her face was faint but it was bright and calm.

Seeing her mother's brown hair shine in the sunlight, Sayuri lightly touched hers. That was until her eyes averted from the photo to the mirror in front of her.

After a moment of unnerving staring, Sayuri tore her eyes away and looked back at the photo.

I'm sorry, mother.

She slid the photo back underneath the cloth, before her hands started searching through the metal tools. Her fingers saintly picked up the scissors, made of steel.

The sharp, pointy edges stared at her, making tears prick at her eyes.

I have to do this.

She brought it up to her long hair, closing her eyes.

"One day, I'm gonna run away from here..."

She drew in a breath.

"...so far away...so that I wouldn't be so much of an embarrassment to everyone. To Kakashi."

She made the first cut, and felt her heart rip and ache. Although her heart protested, her body kept moving. Her arms were rigid and stiff, as if trying to delay its movements, but her fingers kept snipping and snipping.

Why can't I stop?

Twenty minutes later, she opened her eyes and stared back at her reflection.

Ugly.

Fat.

Disgusting.

She cried.

Weak.

Her other hand held the thick mop of hair and she stared at it, as the tears cascaded down her cheeks. She felt the ache in her heart fade, but it was still there.

She imagined what Kakashi would say. "You ruined mom and dad's image. You ruined them. Now, you decide to ruin mom's hair?"

"It looked ugly on you, anyway. It only looked pretty on mom."

"What were you thinking?"

"Is this another one of your acts for attention?"

"You know what? Do whatever you want. Just a few more years until I save up enough money, then I'm leaving you."

Her blood ran cold at those thoughts. Her body suddenly felt numb. Her fingers moved on their own once again; taking the hair and shoving it in a plastic bag. Her calloused thumb flicked the lock on the metal box shut.

All that could be heard was her shallow breathing.

...---...