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Chapter Twelve

She found herself playing around with her hands. She always did this when she was nervous, angry, sad, or bothered.

Everyone always had their habits that seemed to have stuck with them. Shikamaru with his smoking problem--who had picked it up from his close teacher-friend, Asuma--TenTen with her weapons (she'd twirl them around her fingers as if they were nothing), and Hinata with her twiddling thumbs. Naruto had a habit of exploding and trying to start a conversation about dumb things ("This pencil is yellow, why couldn't it have been red?" or "This water tastes...like water..") and Sasuke would constantly run his fingers through his hair (something that wasn't that noticeable, but Sayuri could pick up his awkwardness a mile away).

Sayuri did a lot of things when she was nervous, scared, sad, annoyed, or mad.

The first thing she'd do was use her fingers. She'd crack her knuckles until they were loose. If she couldn't do that anymore, she'd holding her hands together as tight as possible. Sometimes she'd twist her fingers against her own to feel her hands tighten.

If she wasn't able to do any of those, she'd move onto her nails. She'd scratch at her arms, her legs, or her stomach.

The next thing she'd do is chew gum. She'd chew it nonstop, even when it ran out of flavor.

If she wasn't able to chew gum, she'd take the wrapper and fold it over and over again.

She picked up origami once a few years ago, but she grew sick and tired of the figures she made--how they expressed nothing like her at all. And she was sick and tired of how people treated them, as if they were nothing.

Sayuri did a lot of things to get things off her mind. She wanted to escape reality and focus on the little things. She wanted to forget about everything--about her brother, her bullies, her problems.

She wanted to forget about how she felt. She wanted to be numb.

Numb.

So I can't feel the pain anymore.

But she knew that the pain would never end if she avoided it by making herself forget.

There would be another way, a much better way.