My Boyfriend is an Anime Character

401 10 3

by PieceReviewer

by PieceReviewer

Story's Link: http://www.wattpad.com/story/8402246-my-boyfriend-is-an-anime-character [external link available]

Author's link: http://www.wattpad.com/user/diakomacoolit

Brief Summary: Isang babae ang sobrang obssess kay Usui, hanggang isang gabi hiniling niya kay God na maging totoo ito sa munodng ginagalawan niya. Then naging totoo si Usui, ngunit may isang kundisyon.

Three words: cool, cute

Reviews:

Ok, i'll be straight to the point. (Wait, magtatagalog na q, hirap iexplain,haha^_^V) Medyo nag lalack ung story mo. 1st, dun sa kundisyon na sinasabi sa story. Kapag kc nagsusulat ka ng one shot, dapat nka-compress na lhat ng dapat malaman. And I think, that condition is an important issue in this story, which hindi na nasabi sa story. Though ok lng kung may balak kang sundan ng panibagong chapter.

2nd, Narration. Medyo naguluhan aq sa narration kc hindi q mlaman kung sino ung nagnanarrate, C Cutie ba, C Usui o ung Author., i'll have to get back to that part pra mas maintindihan. And I don't know if She really is talking or in her thoughts only. You can always [bold] the words that are being said. And use some symbols that would indicate the actions or thoughts. Even the sound effects.ex is *.actions.* ~.thoughts.~ and [sound effect?] (BTW, when u use POV, dapat ung sa taong un mismo ang nagnanarrate. wlang author o khit cnu man. This will cause confusion in the readers)

And lastly, ung concept. Did this story happen in 1 day only? or mas mahaba pa dun? I won't contradict of what you believe about love, khit aq wlang experience jan but when we try to write a story, we try to make it as realistic as it should be, lalo na kung sa reality ung setting. 1 day is not enough to fell in love. And medyo cliche na ung dating nia. BUT, ung kilig andun pa rin, so ok sia.

But overall, maganda ung story mo (and I love how God makes Cutie's wish come true). Cguro u just have to adjust the way you write. And apply some of my advice :))

Signature: Hihyo_Heathcliff ＼（★´−｀）人（´▽｀★）／