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One Hell of a Love Story (YAOI)

Full name of FB: Rochelle Cainap Evangelista

Profile link in Wattpad: http://www.wattpad.com/user/CielPhantomhive02

Title of Story: One Hell Of A Love Story

Genre/s: Yaoi Romance, Fan Fiction, Adventure(?)

Brief Summary: This is just a yaoi romance fan fiction of Sebastian x Ciel. This story will show how a master and a butler will catch each other's heart. (I'm really a yaoi fangirl. Especially in Kuroshitsuji. I only write this story for my pastime. I think of a flow when I'm bored. I'm only at the prolouge but I'll try to update it if I can. I just really want you guys to review the prolouge so I might know what's wrong and some tips to write it. I hope y'all understand.)

Describe your story in 3 words: Intense Yaoi Romance(?) Describe your writing career: Amateur

Hihyo/s:@Austrine and@AdminKurisu

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Reviews:

First of all thank you so much for choosing me as your HIHYO for it was absolutely the right choice because I’m ONE HELL OF A FUJOSHI. Lolololol hahaha X”D

Straight to the point muna ako. I'm not saying the story is not nice or walang kwenta or something but sana maintindihan mo na Maganda siya but there's some parts missing para sa akin. Wala kasi dun yun sense of excitement because i find it too CLICHE.

I've read a lot of Fanfictions about Sebastian x Ciel and literally I find it mostly cliche.(paulit-ulit lol sorry)  But it's just the start so maybe it could actually change so mas magiging maganda kung lagyan mo siya ng super extraordinary twist hahaha XD but seriously think of a way that super magiging interesado yung readers mo.

As what you have said you’re just an Amateur Writer like me and yeah for a first timer like you It’s really great that you were able to emphasize it clearly. Lalo na yung way of describing mo dun sa character, the way it take it's action.

But take note: DON'T OVER USE IT.

So I just would like to point out the way you write your sentences. If you’re going to use the word “because” the punctuation mark “.” Is not needed anymore, like this part from your sentence.

 You will never think about the contract that you two made up. Because you love him------

Yung dun sa part na yun dapat diretcho lang dahil you’re using a conjunction. It means it’s a part of speech wherein it is use to connect words, phrases, clauses or even sentences.  Kaya hindi dapat may period kasi incorrect grammar na po yan.

Pangalawang point is that some parts ay may wrong grammars at meron mga maling paggamit ng punctuation marks but lahat naman tayo nagkakamali so ok lang yun but make sure na i-proof read lagi ang story.

Lastly, cliché siya (Paulit-ulit lang ako lolol) but sabi ko nga it made my heart go DOKI DOKI!~ so hopefully mag-eexpect ako more on interesting scenes and exciting *coughs* if you know what I mean ;)

So all in all, I really like your story so hopefully for the next update some points would be revised na. Keep up the Good work My Fellow Fujoshi! You absolutely have a potential to be good writer someday! :)

This is all for now! Sana naging helpful naman ako kahit papaano to improve your wonderful story!~

P.S: Sorry kung medyo uhm yeah tagos sa heart yun iba but i tried to be considerate naman so hopefully talaga hindi ka medyo na ano XD

_Hihyo_AdminKurisu