Fate

112 3 3

by PieceReviewer

Dedicated to Mcxynth

by PieceReviewer

Link: http://www.wattpad.com/story/8777874-fate

Author: http://www.wattpad.com/user/Mcxynth

Brief summary: Sting and Lucy are a couple, but not all is in their favor as Lucy dies a few months after. However, unknown to Sting and the rest of fairy tail, she is resurrected...unfortunately,

Author's description of her story: Sad, Tragic, Romantic

Reviews:

[This is a mixed version of my usual way of reviewing xD ]

An anime fan fiction? Well, if yes, you have a talent when it comes to imitating the original author’s intended personality of the characters. I can feel the air teleporting me in the world of fairy tail, not to mention that I can imagine the characters themselves voicing out those dialogues.

The construction of sentences after one another has a boring tone. Improve that by using only one type of voice, either it is active or passive. I prefer active voice though than passive because it’s is livelier. Also, I can see most declarative sentence. Try to use the other types.

Spacing is not well formatted, especially during paragraphs and dialogues. I suggests that you put a space on every dialogues you will make. It is more pleasing to read this way.

I like the idea when you let the other two dragon slayers to join fairy tail. It was my dream for them helping and working with each other. So fairy tail now has become a guild of the legendary dragon slayers? This fan fic just made that dream come true.

Can I say this boldly? I think you possessed poor naming techniques. I am not surprise that there were new characters who will show up. But as I read, the thing that catches my attention most are their names. Let me be honest, the way you name them is far from the way I imagine it should be. Try muttering the name of fairy tail’s original characters in your mind. Maybe it can help you build a better name suited for them. It doesn’t need to be in Japanese though. Example of names suited in this story are: Seltia, Manus, Virel, Erzen and such. Well those are the names that enter my mind whenever I think of fairy tail.

The plot? Flow of story? Well, I like it. It is kind of interesting. It will force you to keep on reading (omedetou for that ‘coz I’m a lazy reader) though it is predictable sometimes. I love your conversations. Let us say that we both have the capabilities to produce a well-constructed motivational conversations suited for each characters. Such can give you dialogues full of life, like the real thing themselves.

I can say overall that this is a fanfic worth reading…(though I’m not really move and convince of Lucy’s reason of falling in love with Sting). There were few grammatical errors that were almost hidden by the effects of great imagination. Not too predictable.

You have a talent to be a good writer, hope you get more readers so you’ll know.

I think I forget something in this review, well it is up for the other Hihyo to point those out.

- Hihyo Sejuru