"Are you still you?"
~*~
Kian Lawley
Her hands were as cold as ice, her hair was neatly patted down, and her hospital gown was wrinkled, but neatly on her. I held her hand tightly, scared that if I let go, she will let go of life.
"Please," my throat burned as I spoke to her, tears fell down my cheeks as I looked at her closed eyelids, "come back to me Andrea, I miss you."
I had just shown her the video that I had created, with the help of over a hundred other YouTubers, yesterday. She had no reaction, considering she was in a coma, but I prayed that she still knew I was here beside her.
"My life is so different without you. Everyday, I wake up and you don't. Do you know how much that sucks? It really does suck Andrea, like a lot. It sucks knowing that you can't call me by my name, but I can call you by yours. God, I was the one driving. I should be the one in a coma, not you. You should be the one who's moving on, living life, happy. I'm not happy though, because this was all my fault. All mine."
I leaned down and gently kissed her hand, "every time I look at Meredith, my girlfriend, I can't help but look for parts of you in her. She has your attitude, your cuddling obsession, and your weird pick up lines. It's like she is somehow you. It's almost as if you exist in her, but not completely. I want you though, all of you. Not her, just you."
Her body stayed still.
"You know the day you ended up in here? Your heart monitor, it just stopped. It went from a rugged up and down line, then it just went straight. The ringing still rings in my ears. I remember the day you died Andrea, I'm just thankful you came back when the doctors came in. I'm so lucky. I couldn't lose you like that."
I looked up at her heart monitor. It wasn't straight, and that made me smile a little.
I wiped my tears away, "but at the same time, I don't like how you're stuck here, incapable of moving on your own. You're alive, but your not you, you know? If you want to die, to leave, I understand. You don't deserve to sit in this hospital, unaware. You deserve the best, and if you want to die, I can't stop you. It'll suck, but I know you'll watch over me. Right?"
For just a moment, I could've sworn her hand squeezed mine. I looked down at her hand, but it was still limp, causing me to sob even more.
"God, Andrea, I need you here with me. I've talked to your family, your friends, and they miss you too. We all do, we need you Andrea." I blinked away my tears, and looked at the door that was closed, separating me and Andrea from everybody else. "I miss you," I climbed onto the bed beside her, and closed my eyes, just letting tears fall down my cheeks.
The door slowly opened and a nurse walked in, "sir, may I have a word with you?"
I looked at Andrea, then back at the nurse. I slowly stood up, then walked toward the nurse. She closed Andrea's door behind us. We stood at the closed door and talked about Andrea.
"Her parents have decided to pull the plug."
My jaw dropped and I shook my head quickly, "no, I can't let that happen. You can't do that!"
The nurse held her hand up in a polite gesture to silence me, "Miss Andrea still has a chance to live, however she has shown no life to us or anybody else, and we're holding her back from moving on."
I cried.
"Once the plug has been pulled, it's all up to her. If she can breathe on her own, that's a good sign. If she can not, she will pass and that means we've been holding her here, alive, without her actually even being present in this."
"You can't be serious," I mumbled.
She looked at the closed door, than back at me, "The Russett family has requested this to be followed through with by the end of the week. It's only Friday, so by tomorrow, the plug will be pulled. If she shows a sign of life, then we will notify the Russett family and see what they wish to do with Miss Andrea."
I nodded slowly, secretly praying that Andrea pulls through.
The nurse left, and I walked back into her hospital room.
"Andrea," I whispered, slowly sitting back down in the guest chair by her bed, "please stay. I need you to stay, that's all I need in this world, you. You can't leave me. Please, show a sign of life by tomorrow. And if not, please breathe without the support of a stupid machine. You're strong Andrea, you can do this. I believe in you."
I got up slowly, grabbing my laptop and phone, then walked toward the door. I opened the door and looked back at her, "I love you Andrea."
And with that, I left.
